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My Second Mother
Seven long summers, I slept in your lap,
With thousands thirsty bugs in your sari
And millions mosquitoes over your head
Sucking all my jaundiced blood drop by drop.
In rainy days, I heard you cry and sob,
Seeing me take some stale rice and rat-smelt dal
And live on just two modest meals a day,
Turning myself into a bag of bones.
I used to wake up late to miss my milk,
And save some coins every cloudy morning;
My friends and field work used to freak me out,
You just warned me not to miss the tilting.
Like the old Ant you kept advising me,
But this Grasshopper indulged in idleness;
Seven Late Autumns, I missed my harvest,
But you kept feeding me with what you had.
When all my little hope used to wither,
Like the leaves of the trees by my window,
You watered it with the tears of blessing
And helped new hope sprout and rejuvenate.
What I am today is what and how much
I drank from the little springs of knowledge,
Gushing out in stream of your skinny breasts
That still do suckle thousands thirsty lips.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
mand
11 years 11 months ago
Hi there!
Your poem has some vivid imagery - it highlights the tradgedy of deep poverty - in which families suffer, where every day is a struggle - work or don't eat. You paint a picture of a lazy son and self sacrificing mother - the last stanza is particularly touching.
I like the honesty and reality of this poem - it opened my eyes to the daily stuggle of those impoverished.
Love Mand xxxxx
AZMM Moksedul Milon
11 years 11 months ago
Thanks Ms. Mand.
Thanks Ms. Mand.
Anyway, here "My Second Mother" stands for "Dhaka University".
mand
11 years 11 months ago
Thought there might be more
Thought there might be more too it than meets the eye. But wasn't sure!
AZMM Moksedul Milon
11 years 11 months ago
Thanks Ms. Mand.
Thanks Ms. Mand.
wesley snow
11 years 11 months ago
I didn't like this one...
... as much as the previous I read, but still the language does not disappoint.
AZMM Moksedul Milon
11 years 11 months ago
Thanks Mr. Snow.
Thanks Mr. Snow.