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Nov 21, 2013
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Tough Love
Tough Love
Slithering on shards of bone, I bleed profusely now
rapture streaming from a fractured face
nothing to impede my passage as I seek the love
of she who sits upon the throne of grace
ebon hair cascading down on breasts of sculptured pearl
eyes that glow a luscious evil green
a goddess from the nether realms intent and hungry now
waiting for my lust to drain me clean
sacrifice is nothing to eternal forms of life
compassion for the prey a thing absurd
and so I crawl more quickly now as she beckons me
with a regal gesture and a word
this body must be deathly pale and pure to suit her taste
ravaged by the pain of wounds untold
purged of all the scarlet fluid pumped from mortal heart
only then will I be safe to hold
and as my vision fades with death I force a feeble howl
for my love-crazed eyes can finally see
this deity that craves my soul is she I’ve always known
the un-dead queen of classic poetry
C. Lon R. Bruso
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I've often thought of poetry as a devourer that insists you devote the entire fiber of your being to its purpose, and I guess this poem is the end result of those imaginings!
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Roscoe Lane
11 years 8 months ago
A tremendous,
A tremendous piece of poetry and i understand where this comes from. Regards Roscoe..
Lonnie
11 years 8 months ago
Thanks, Roscoe!
I'm happy you approved of this effort of mine to show how some of us relate to our poetic experience! Thanks so much for reading and leaving me feedback, it is deeply appreciated!
Seren
11 years 8 months ago
Dear Lonnie
I admire your dark love in poetry, there where a couple of (and's) that I think could be pruned to improve the flow but other than that I have nothing else critical to add, there are some really good lines in this I thoroughly enjoyed the read thanks for sharing your gift with us again
ebon hair cascading down on breasts of sculptured pearl
eyes that glow a luscious evil green
a goddess from the nether realms intent and hungry now
waiting for my lust to drain me clean
my favourite stanza
love to you both JC xxx
Lonnie
11 years 8 months ago
Thank you, Jayne!
Your suggestions are well noted and I am happy that you thought this piece enjoyable! What with your knowledge of the poetic process, I am honored to have you as a friend!
Seren
11 years 8 months ago
Dear Lonnie
In many ways I am still a novice, I sometimes wonder what I will write when a complete understanding of my words comes to me, its all a learning process isn't it ? I am very proud to have you as a friend :)
hugs
weirdelf
11 years 7 months ago
oh yes,it devours
When I read in a book or hear a line in a TV show or movie "I had no choice", it is always a lie, and bad writing. However in poetry it is true. Why else subject ourselves to these agonies?
On the other hand, when the words just flow and we create a thing of beauty, all is forgiven of the cruel muse. A fine poem Lonnie. My only hesitation , and this may be just my perversity, it that it seems to have undertones of sexual shame.
Lonnie
11 years 7 months ago
Thank you
I'm sure if anyone looks closely enough they may also find undertones of social animosity, political revolution, antisemitism, and psychological trauma! In other words, you'll find anything your mind tells you is in there, whether it actually is or not! But, be that as it may, I appreciate your response!