Rula

Dec 22, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I'm sad

The dawn comes, another one goes
yet darkness grows.
No sun to rise
into my eyes.

Your absence dims the lofty sky;
its blue turns shy,
then muses fade
into the shade.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

scribbler

11 years 7 months ago

Hi Rula

There are many types of plow including one specifically named a turning plow. But in my exprience "plow" doesn't bring turning immediately to mind. Also in line 2 either darkness grows or darknesses grow. Hmmm....maybe wilts would work instead of plows. But that's up to you to find the perfect word lol. The rest of your poem does well in conveying wistful longing...............stan

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

hello Stan

and many thanks for your invaluable notes.I'm grateful.

William Saint George

11 years 7 months ago

Hi Rula

It's interesting. I feel exactly as you describe in this poem. The absence of a very close friend has inspired most of my recent poetry.

I hope you feel better soon..

"The world is always changing
that is what the hopeful say;
for both of us must surely know
the wind of life blows to and fro
so nothing stays the same."

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

Thanks William

for your wishes. I am happy you could relate as well.
Thanks for coming and commenting. Highly appreciated.

Lonnie

11 years 7 months ago

Nice write, Rula!

Interesting message, refreshing word usage, and the poems own terseness all combine to make this a very tight little piece of poetry!

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

Hello Lonnie

Always great to hear from you and really happy you find in this something worthy to read. Thanks for visiting.

weirdelf

11 years 7 months ago

Isn't it amazing how a simple little line

can be so very effective
"its blue turns shy,"
is a tiny poetic masterpiece.
Love the poem, it also strikes me in a deep place.

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

thank you jess

Always appreciate your encouraging words.

Ian.T

11 years 7 months ago

Rula

Very good piece but could become unhappy with the sadness, but I have made another sunrise, one that is in my heart that can only shine in glorious splendour for us all.
Even though we fade and die, if we have sun in our hearts,
all things will still be bright,
Yours Ian.T

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

Thank you Ian

Seems that sadness has become part of our life....unfortunately. we need to learn to cope up with all these circumistances.

Esker

11 years 7 months ago

magnificent line...

"its blue turns shy"

like a conversation pained
the lost words metaphors
in a struggle of expression
reaching or not....

found cared for or lost

that line above makes this poem
stunning

like a word spell to awaken
those reading
those intended
and the writer

powerful and very vivid

thank you Rula!

(this is a soft line intense that I needed in my own journey today...the blue is powerful..
immense and overwhelming..sky feeling...emptiness..fullness...and the shy.....the key
to understanding.....a gentleness....a slowed peice to stop the trembling and unlock
the wonder past the fear.....)

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

hello Steve

I'm always sorry because I could never fully comprehend your comments, but you know what? I always feel happy to know that my writing impresses you in a way or another.
Thank you so much for dropping by.

eightmenout

11 years 7 months ago

Rula

A strong piece as always. However, I found a slight problem with logic in the first stanza. Another one goes, yet darkness grows?

No one else has mentioned it so it is most likely me not totally getting it.

Scott

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

Scott

I know dawn has always a positive meaning, but you know that time when the sun isn't fully rising which is explained the next line. Don't know if this makes any sense ?
Always great to hear from you.