I do like the descriptions...I agree with them. It makes the reality of the drug users sound like the kind of stuff motivational speakers tell you. Yes, you can control the world. :)

Ian.T

11 years 6 months ago

Jess

Loved the shopping list and effects of each type of drug,
just wondered if they needed some life study,
or death mask to enhance their terrible abuse.

They lay laughing in the gutter
as alcohol removed their inhibitions,

Sticking needles between the toes
Tracks where pain and life just goes.. etc:

Only a different slant on this one, Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

11 years 6 months ago

It is with no great pride

and with the deleterious effects apparent to all who have known my life and poetic process over the years that yes,
the poem and the effects you mention, are all true of drugs.

BettyBuff

11 years 6 months ago

My Drug of Choice, a Stiff Malt!

As I've just returned from my Hogmanay with relatives in Edinburgh & the Scottish Borders...a smokey Talisker or Laphroaig, trips me out.

Problem is, I'm not a happy foolish drunk...more than a couple of fingers and i'm weeping into the glass....(just read that back, sounds salacious...)

Job done! Happy New Year!

Lonnie

11 years 6 months ago

Pardon me for saying, but with all your self-proclaimed knowledge of poetry and its many facets and forms, you can't come up with anything better than this? I suppose the theme is valid enough, as is your familiarity with it, but if this is a poem, then the rest of us here on Neo must be writing unintelligible gibberish! I do hope that isn't too harsh a critique, mate!

weirdelf

11 years 6 months ago

A valid crit and I appreciate your honesty, Lonnie.

It certainly lacks poetic values and I should probably re-write it from scratch.
I guess it just felt like something I wanted to say, which does not make it poetry.

I do think though that "your self-proclaimed knowledge of poetry and its many facets and forms" felt like a personal dig, but you're allowed, I've made more than a few of my own [grins]

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi Jess

A kinda non-rhyming list poem huh? My main concern with the subject matter is that very young people might not see the underlying tone of irony and take all the "good" things listed at face value. I think the cure for this might be as simple as changing the last line to inject a bit more doubt about the good things which drugs can do. Maybe just : They are for the truly brave ... or stupid.
An internal rhyme or alliteration somewhere would do this a world of good.............stan

weirdelf

11 years 6 months ago

This elf hears you

Yes, Lonnie's crit was valid. I might or might not work on it, as I said to Lonnie, it was just something I felt like saying.

As to its possible negative effects on younger readers. No way. If they are stupid enough to believe that you can control the world or make all things possible then they will probably take drugs anyway.

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

You

and Mandy are now likely Both pissed at me lol. Ever have one thought in mind while writing another? I guess I must be getting older than I think. I edited so neither of you need to waste ire on this old scribbler ........stan

weirdelf

11 years 6 months ago

I have no idea what you are talking about

why would Mandy or I be pissed off at you?
(just messing with you)

weirdelf

11 years 6 months ago

oh, there is one warning I would give to young readers

or old or anyone who uses substances recreationally/performance enhancing/self-discovery or whatever.

Ice/crystal meth/Methamphetamine/Desoxyn or whatever street name is currently used is the only drug that I would warn everyone from ever using, ever, experimentally or whatever. The TV show "Breaking Bad",whilst superb television doesn't come anywhere near approaching the harmful effects of this heinous toxin. I say this in full awareness of the fact that it might well provoke curiousity anyway, but if anyone trusts me at all on anything, trust me on this. It is really fucking bad news, will drive you psychotic quite quickly, haemorrhage your brain and bring out every nasty, self-loathing aspect of your personality very quickly.

Please, just don't go there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methamphetamine

Seren

11 years 6 months ago

Jess

I am being drawn two ways with this poem, remembering my salacious past you hit the nail on the head you also make me remember how inviting it can be to blot out the rest of the world

It needs something I'm not sure what but I'll return in the daylight and see what I can offer

Love JC xxx

weirdelf

11 years 3 months ago

About 2 of 3 of your comments promise to come back later.

I've noticed you seldom do.
I'm often tempted to say "I'll come back later with more critique", but don't because I don't.
Not attacking you, just thought you might appreciate me pointing this out.

Seren

11 years 3 months ago

Hence ive not been around

Hence ive not been around much, im next to useless at the moment
Thanks for bringing it to my attention i will take care in what i promise in future

Cheers

Jayne

IKnowNoBox

11 years 2 months ago

Here I thought folks

shunned unappetizing subject matter. My Tanka/acrostic has drawn no critique, or review. it too is about a slant on drug use. I wholly agree Meth is "Satans" Dandruff, one might as well melon scoop out ones frontal lobe and get right to the point of it, then to spend the fortune to the Meth Man. I am not even a fan of Molly, too apt to be something other then what is advertised.. without a kit one can never know exactly, and here in the States they have no such kits.

In ink,
Dabbler

weirdelf

11 years 2 months ago

Yeah, sorry about that mate,

I've been struggling to critique lately, in fact a bit of a malaise seems to have settled over Neopoet generally. Let's go kick some butt.

IKnowNoBox

11 years 2 months ago

Once I am out of this Flu

and up top of myself I will be more present. This is the end of the week and still dog sick, with the ability to only drink soup, and electrolyte juices.

I miss the old Neo crowd.

In ink,
david