Love Your Heart (with spoken word)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0vz0DQPhxjj

This isn't about Valentine
coz I dont believe in it,
but it's still about the heart
and how to keep it fit.

Try to manage your stress,
give anxiety a rest,
or annoying life pressures
would lastly take your best.

Cut down the harmful sweets
which put on an extra weight
and follow a healthy diet
before it's really late.

Give up cigarette smoking
even if nothing would ache.
Don't wait for the nicotine
to build up in plaque.

Drop families' bad habbits
Don't increase the chance
for new generations
to suffer what ere ones pass

Keep on a daily practice
Go for an excersise
manintain thirty minutes
or better maximise

Care for your little heart
let it sing a happy song
Pay it your most attention
so as to stay longer, strong.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hope it doesn't read preachy.If it does, any suggestions?

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

William Saint George

11 years 5 months ago

This sounded much better when

This sounded much better when you read it. It isn't exactly what I call preachy- its just good advice for better health.

But still, if you wanted to make it sound less preachy, you could turn direct instructions to suggestions, so instead of saying "Don't do this", you could say "You might not want to do this" or "Its better to do that"

raj

11 years 5 months ago

Hi Rula

I agree with Williams about smooth sailing while reading this one with pretty goof thoughts for the readers. You could give a thought to what Williams has suggested about making it suggestive, though I realize it's easier said than done.

Regards,

Rula

11 years 5 months ago

Thanks a lot

gentlemen. In fact I've tried it both ways, but thought these are just facts and presenting them in a suggestive statements won't sound quite right, and thereby came along what raj called the "goofy reading" to make less preachy.
Thanks again for visiting and commenting.

wesley snow

11 years 5 months ago

As I read...

... I made a list of the ones you mention that I personally need to work on.

... I had to go get more paper.

Rula

11 years 5 months ago

Hello sir

This comes after reading a short article. It has no emotions at all. All are just facts which makes it a bit tough? Just experimenting a new thing.
Thanks for your visit. If I've convinced each reader to change one thing, I think the mission is well accomplished and I know the list goes long.