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Feb 18, 2014
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For Carrie
And what of the night, Titian?
What of the night?
It is all I have now, Titian.
It is my only light.
By moon and star I see.
In absence I see greater.
In torch and candle, hearth is he
who changed me for the better.
But what of night Titian?
What of the weary night?
Such webs imprudent spun!
I begged.
He laughed.
I never thought the change would hurt so much.
Ah, wicked was the whoreson’s touch.
He laughed.
He broke my legs and broke my ribs.
“They’ll heal!” he laughed,
his spirit thrice too glib
and then he broke the neck.
He turned it oh, so far to bite.
I could not see, I could not feel.
Abandoned to the night.
What of the night, sweet Titian?
I crawled awash in smoke
and hid beneath a bramble bush.
Each bone I wear he patient broke.
His last words held a pithy “shush”.
How could I know I screamed?
How can I know I weep?
I lay all day and dreamed.
How can it be I sleep?
What is now? What is then?
Where was the night?
I no longer cared,
but what of it, Titian?
What of the blessed night?
The hoary, weary night.
I woke into it, Titian.
I woke and found it mine.
It is all mine, dear Titian.
It will always be mine.
‘Tis black and now at last ‘tis won
and now, my love, ‘tis time to dine.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is for Ian's and Stan's challenge to write a vampire poem. I attempted to write it in the style often used by Carrie.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Emina Smajevic
11 years 5 months ago
lovely ! I enjoyed, thanks
lovely ! I enjoyed, thanks for this wesley
emeka ozurumba
11 years 5 months ago
in the last line, i think its
in the last line, i think its time to die, such meaning i connote
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 5 months ago
WOW
This was intense, the words were beautiful and flowed together elegantly, like you always make them do. I am speechless, which does not happen often. Certain parts spoke volumes and really felt personal. The imagery was amazing. Thank you....
raj
11 years 5 months ago
Wesley
This is remarkably lovely for its simplicity , unique style and engrossing. I almost lived that nightmare you scripted so finely ...Thanks for posting this.
Regards,
Ian.T
11 years 5 months ago
Wesley
Such an outburst, they are coming to take you away to the funny farm, suggestion find a safe place to hide in the day,
or they will surely find you, they are not gentle with the people of the night.
Take care great write for one so new to this freedom lol,
Yours MadIan,
I was aware that you called me mad,
that was OK till you changed it here to Titian,
Loves you anyway
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 5 months ago
I think
I am rubbing off on the lot of you....welcome to the dark side...I have saved a seat for you
Race_9togo
11 years 5 months ago
Not bad for a vampire poem!
good stuff.
alidzain
10 years 9 months ago
love this
Come forth, child of night,
don't you feel the hunger?
The virgins' blood tonight
will taste none the sweeter.
Wrap their minds in ecstasy,
the sweet delight for sinners.
Curse their souls for eternity
while angels weep in sadness
Together we'll show to the world
the meaning of fear
that will haunt the weak mortals
even when daylight is near.
Alid
Roscoe Lane
10 years 9 months ago
You have,
You have a style that i could never tire of reading, fine poetry. Regards Roscoe..
wesley snow
10 years 9 months ago
What a cool thing to say to me.
I can use a bolstering word with the chaos of the present workshop. Come join the fun and make a comment, any comment.
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 9 months ago
the chaos
Is good..we have alot of great imaginations coming out in this workshop..I think we should see more of it than the rigid structure we all try to conform to. I am enjoying this workshop more than any other.