alidzain

Feb 26, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The New Beginning

Hurtful words rip my heart,
with claws of sorrow
tearing both of us apart
casting love in shadow

Your name still haunts my soul
but its warmth is long -gone..
Beautiful memories unfold
turning into moments I mourn

Old dreams lying in tatters,
left me deprived of hope here
but I 'have promised myself
never again to shed a tear

For here stands a woman born free
who will not cower from Destiny
this is not the end of love
this is its new beginning

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

For a moment

I thought this is autobiographical (hope not), but the last stanza

"For here stands a woman born free
who will not cower from Destiny
this is not the end of love
this is its new beginning"

the word "woman" suggests that it is not your story.
I like it anyway. It has a good sentiments.
I like the uplifting end too.
PS. I think Wesley won't be too happy with the punctuation though :)
Take care.

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

this is an idea

i get from seeing someone else's experience. i'm struggling with the attempt to record my voice for "Palestine". not good. it will take longer than i expected or not at all...

Alid

Seren

11 years 4 months ago

Alid

I thought that this was a sad piece I do think it could be improved I will return tomorrow night and see what I can offer, Its late and I haven't slept properly for the last few nights I am going to read then bed...

You have been working hard on your poems and its starting to show.

Jayne x

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

Thanks, JC

Thank you for the visit. Congratulations for being spotted by Wesley to be on your way as a mentor! You deserve it, Jayne. I never have any doubts when it comes to you. Shoo, go and have your rest. Wake up fresh tomorrow and do whatever you need to do. Be proud , Jayne. you know I am proud of you. 'Till next time, angel. nighty nite!

Alid

raj

11 years 4 months ago

Alid

I read the comment of Jayne on another page suggesting that you submerge yourself in the situation of the subject in the theme and convert the feel you get being there into a poem. It seemed to me that you have done that pretty well here and can notice continual improvement in your works which is really good to notice my friend...to me the title fits the theme nicely.

Regards,

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

thank you, my friend

but I couldn't have done it without yours and the rest of our friends' guidance. I'm glad you think that the title fits the theme. At first I want to call it " A Woman, Denied" to stress out the hurt but I changed my mind when I read the ending that I have chosen.

Alid