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Mar 01, 2014
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infinitesimal beauty
The veil is rising
Easing off
my fear strained face,
it catches
on crystalized tears,
pulling away
I bathe in liberty
The first airless void
stills all movement,
abandon was never
nameless, faceless
No longer condemned
sliding towards the light,
I take in my first breath
free of regret and torment
In the ensuing minutes
infinitesimal beauty
takes my breath again
as I exhale my first sigh...
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
11 years 4 months ago
hello jayne
Isn't it great to feel free from all restraints, at least for moments?
This is what I understand. I thought this, unlike your other works, seems a bit far from being finished.
The message is there, but as if you rushed this a bit before it's time.
However, wait to see what others think dear.
Seren
11 years 4 months ago
Rula
There is beauty of freedom but are we ever truly free ? or is it just an illusion... there is the real question,
I don't know if I have anymore to say on this subject, I will take a look at it in the next few days, thanks for your honest comment its always appreciated, and thank you for the visit its also very much appreciated.
love Jayne x
raj
11 years 4 months ago
Dearest Jayne
I agree with comments of Rula. You have captured the infinitesimal moment between fear and freedom very nicely in this poem. Therefore, the tile fits it perfectly. Being infinitesimal I feel moment would be more appropriate than minutes. Just a thought for you to think. In L6 S1 do you think it should be bathe than bath? In L4 you could do away "on". The poem runs easy on tongue as you will find out when Jess rads it on Vocaroo..
Much love h hugs..
Seren
11 years 4 months ago
Dearest Raj
Thanks for the correction of "bathe" I didn't pick that one up when I edited it, if I change the "on" in L4 it will change my intended meaning but then it could also give it two meanings hmmm that's definitely one the think about ...not sure if I want to change the minutes to moment I will as always give it some thought when I edit, thanks for your thoughts I appreciate the read and the help
I love listening to Jess read his voice is just so beautifully soothing...
much love and hugs Jayne x
alidzain
11 years 4 months ago
infinitesimal
New word. I've checked for its meaning in the free online dictionary and it gives me "1.infinitely or immeasurably small. I thought infinite means unlimited...help me out here, my friends, which is the correct meaning?
Alid
raj
11 years 4 months ago
Alid
it just means what you found out from the dictionary..which put a bit differently would mean that it is too small ...infinite means something which is beyond measurement it can be in a small or large way...
Seren
11 years 4 months ago
Alid
infinitesimal
/ˌɪnfɪnɪˈtɛsɪm(ə)l/
adjective: infinitesimal
1. extremely small.
"an infinitesimal pause"
synonyms: minute, tiny, minuscule, extremely small, very small; More
microscopic, nanoscopic, barely perceptible, imperceptible, inappreciable, indiscernible, invisible to the naked eye; wee;
informal.. teeny, teeny-weeny, teensy-weensy, eensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy, itty-bitty, tiddly;
informal.. titchy;
informal.. little-bitty
"a tiny fish with infinitesimal white scales"
antonyms: huge
noun: infinitesimal; plural noun: infinitesimals
1. an indefinitely small quantity; a value approaching zero.
That's the best explanation I could find for you, I hope it helps out
Jayne x
alidzain
11 years 4 months ago
LOL
OK. got ya..
Love
Alid
alidzain
11 years 4 months ago
Thanks, Raj
I didn't know it can be measured in a small way....
Alid
raj
11 years 4 months ago
Alid
Perhaps you were first looking at it as Infinity instead of infinitesimial
Rula
11 years 4 months ago
raj
Does your name mean sublime ocean?
Just curious
raj
11 years 4 months ago
Rula
No. sublime ocean is my ID for emails & chat on social networks due to my fascination about the ocean.
Ian.T
11 years 4 months ago
Jayne
A lovely piece just the one "E" on bath to add.
I bathe in liberty
Your explanation of small was top line, though I use other words lol, Take care have a great day, Yours Ian.T
Seren
11 years 4 months ago
Ian
I will fix that "E" before bed I have been in bed sick since Monday I only surfaced this evening, food poisoning knocked the wind out of me I am feeling much better tonight though...
You take care hun I will catch up with you very soon...are you home yet ?
love always Jayne xxx