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The Abandoned
Forever walking,
With bloody feet.
Petaracy spreading in the streets.
Faith in humanity dwindling
A life of gratuity
Angels with severed wings.
Deliver us from perdition
We, the Abandoned
Styrofoam souls,
And factitious faces,
They thwart us
Blocked from God's eye
Hollywood cannibals
With festering personalities,
Taken with falsities
Going through doldrum lives
Lament out loud,
And scream your sorrows.
Rip off your wings.
We are the Angels now
Riot through the city
Throw your hate on the pyre
Let us take back the world
Save it from the fire
No more celluloid faces,
No more forgotten places.
Reborn from ashes,
A kingdom arises.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Ian.T
11 years 3 months ago
Anne
An excellent portrayal of life, I loved it, I can't comment on the form but to me it was beaut in its raw scenery of true life,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- your poetry, you need to write more as your works are of quite a high level and loved by many of us..
Shyanne18
11 years 3 months ago
It mean so much!
To have semi-fans on here. Like what I write affects people. Makes me happy to know I that you enjoy it.
emeka ozurumba
11 years 3 months ago
anne
some-how the poem ends in an anti-climax i don't know if it was deliberate u used bathos
Shyanne18
11 years 3 months ago
It ended the way it ended, I
It ended the way it ended, I guess. I am not sure what bathos is?
Ian.T
11 years 1 month ago
Anne
Some of us use words not in our normal day to day use, but they are something to be learned or looked at I find it fun to look up some of these words especially if they are direct comments..
Bathos meaning "depth" is an abrupt transition in style from the exalted to the commonplace, producing a ludicrous effect.
While often unintended, bathos may be used deliberately to produce a humorous effect.
if bathos is overt, it may be described as Burlesque or mock-heroic. It should not be confused with pathos, a mode of persuasion within the discipline of rhetoric, intended to arouse emotions of sympathy and pity.
Exhibiting Bathos,
Such as:-
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathos>
There you can see how funny some of these words turn out, but you should have had a reply to this Question.
Though English is taught all over the world, sometimes it is with a local way of learning and some of the words are not usually used, just need a damn good Wikipedia or a good set of dictionaries.
Just ask if there are problems if I see the question I shall research.
Take care have a good life out there, Yours Ian.T
raj
11 years 3 months ago
Anne
A pleasure to read this one. The poem emotes with two strong stanzas, which I believe capture the essence of this poem, if I read it correctly...
Lament out loud,
And scream your sorrows.
Rip off your wings.
We are the Angels now
Riot through the city
Throw your hate on the pyre
Let us take back the world
Save it from the fire
Regards,
Shyanne18
11 years 1 month ago
My friend.
Thank you.
alidzain
10 years 11 months ago
Shayne
WOW. I think you have just pulled me into your fan club with this one. I LOVE IT!.Wonderful! You offered me such imagery with your choice of words. This is great!
Alid
Shyanne18
10 years 11 months ago
Hahahaha
Why thanks. I will have to explore your work.