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Apr 24, 2014
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The Questions that Torment My Mind
Today I noticed how the sky
looked without you by my side and
I was surprised that the promised
doom appeared to have departed
along with your final goodbye.
Why couldn't you have left sooner?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is tetrameter blank verse with no concern for foot. This was inspired by a friend's trials, not my own.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
emeka ozurumba
11 years 2 months ago
great metrics
absolutely awesome, i love it , your friend is you in the poem , so sorry
emeka ozurumba
11 years 2 months ago
where strikes me most is
where strikes me most is "appeared to have departed", and like Dennis Brutus the emotion seems very controlled i like the structure
Ian.T
11 years 2 months ago
Jonathan
A write that only you could achieve, enjoyed it better knowing it was not for you, but give my best thoughts to your friend.
Yours Ian.T