alidzain

May 10, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Night In The Forest

Somewhere in the trees,
a hooting owl greets the night
restless bats take flight

Spying on the moon,
a young crow is mesmerized
by her great beauty

Where fireflies gather,
tiny merry lights linger,
teasing the shadows

While the crickets sing
celebrating the dark hour
with their own rhythm

The night comes alive
with the sound of hunting beasts
fighting or survival....

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

raj

11 years 2 months ago

Alid

I liked this chain of Haikus immensely. wherein you have captured the activities of the night very nicely...

A few suggestions:-

In Line 1 of last haiku you have changed the tense from present to past
try changing "an the Sun's absence, because the preceding line already indicates Sun's absence...

It is a co-incidence that I have written and posted something on a similar theme minutes ago :)

Regards,

alidzain

11 years 2 months ago

Raj,

Thanks for the visit and comments. Done the edit. Hopefully this is better. Now I'll be checking on your latest posting.

Alid

raj

11 years 2 months ago

Nicely tweaked up Alid..

Regards,

alidzain

11 years 2 months ago

Thank you, Raj

couldn't do it without you.

Alid

weirdelf

11 years 2 months ago

Haikus are one verse.

They do not form a sequence. You may post several haikus but they not connect their themes. Each one is and individual.

They are
are all good in their own right but this is a poem, not a haiku.

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

Thank you

for the lesson. I've changed the title.

Alid

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

Alid

Jess was right the Haiku is a profound statement, in 17 syllables, read up on the Japanese way of writing it will then become clear to you, just put Haiku in the search engine and off you go, good write all the same, will look forward to both your Japanese writing and the poetry you always write,
Yours as always, Ian.T

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

Noted, Ian

I will be a bit tied up for the next 2 to 3 days due to work, so I don't think I'll be writing for awhile. Err can you tell me the poems which you link with Digit. The ones written about Killer (Gee's) and to Nevermore (Carrie's) killers. When I have the time I want to check on them to know their stories. Can't have my Dr Chaz go facing all of you fellas without a clue. lol.

Alid