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Geremia

Jul 09, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

MASK

MASK

You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone

But your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
in your serpent dance of lies.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Comments

11 years ago

Simply breaking this into two stanzas

would make this poem
MASK

You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone

but your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
with your serpent dance of lies.

11 years ago

will do, Jess. Thanks for

will do, Jess. Thanks for reading ,me, my friend,

joe

11 years ago

nice imagery

throughout.
I thought some punctuation can be added for a smoother read.
Thanks for sharing

11 years ago

Thank you, Rula. I will take

Thank you, Rula. I will take another look

11 years ago

exquisite

exquisite imagery
what a command of the English language
Just lovely
inspirational poetry

11 years ago

Thank you ,dear friend.

Thank you ,dear friend. Always an encouragement.

joe

11 years ago

hope ur much better

read this and then I will delete it
in one breath

read without a break or brake
then see if ur fit

Lovely free advice
rest in peace as you say when I go places my purse goes into pieces I accompany my grand children to various functions and my daughter stares at me wow you have swindled me taken away all that I had saved better next time stay away stay home and with the dog do play but then don't eat all dog biscuits too these are expensive and very few so I relax meditate the doctors come to my gate have you been ill of late I state how did you know they say your blood pressure is so low they give me a few shots and ask for bucks who what the fucks who called them in my neighbours called tom and tin they were rather thin and the doc thought twas I and we were caught of thirty bucks shy my daughter did cry popu now back home you fly So much for the relaxation sir let me not come to your abode so near don't fear my daughter is brave she will be happy to see the neighbours soon in their grave I shall stay have more time to pass away so sir let me for a wee while more in your company stay ere you too pass away...(((((( fun read

10 years 11 months ago

We come into this world

We come into this world struggling and fighting and alone; we go out the same way. The extended family no longer exist where loved ones make your passing easier.

joe

11 years ago

Joe

Well done.Got nothing to add. This is already fine as it is.

Alid

10 years 11 months ago

Thank you my friend,,,, joe

Thank you my friend,,,,

joe

10 years 11 months ago

A potent poem like a

A potent poem like a poisonous draft,
we sense the drama in this, feel the sting.

Well expressed, Love Anni

10 years 11 months ago

Thank you, Anni. Read my

Thank you, Anni. Read my comment to Loved. A sensitive and fine heart is he,

Joe

10 years 11 months ago

Joe

A good write
expressing something outside of your present state
which makes it that much more,
Yours Ian.T

10 years 11 months ago

Yes.

Yes.