Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Status
Program description/goal
Description: This is a meeting place for all poets on Neopoet to come and post verses of poetry to "Eternal Renga" So, come as a group or individual and post your verses anytime. This is an ongoing collaborative effort that could go on for hundreds of verses. A truly Neopoet group effort. Let's co-operate to create a truly Neopoet poem.
Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s):
Objectives: To have everyone at Neopoet collaborating a Renga poem.
Level of expertise: Open to all.
Subject matter: "Each person write a verse, alternately senryu or haiku 5-7-5 syllables then a couplet of 7-7 syllables"
I can only say that the rules can not be strictly applied when writing in English. Japanese has such a completely different sound structure, grammar and even thematic considerations considered appropriate for poetry. So we have simplified it.
Alternate 3 line verses of
5-7-5 syllables like a haiku or senryu
and 2 line verses of
7--7 syllables.
Syllable Counter: http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/
We just ask you read the preceding verses to try to maintain some thematic coherency.
As such feel free to introduce modern, western themes, but read what has been written before and make it relevant, please.
Length
14.00 days
Number of participants (limit)
10.00 people
Participants
Skill level
Date
-
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Barbara
please add me to the list. I want in.
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
Happily added
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
My first offerring
I hate hate to death
United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads, conservatives, liars
make me hate me for hating.
.
Emina Smajevic
10 years 10 months ago
hi guys
add me too :)
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Emina
Hi glad to meet you. Thanks for joining. I'm waiting on pins to see what you have to offer our Hatred Legacy.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hi
Emina we are waiting for you senyru, haiku, or tanka. If you have any questions just post your question here we're be delighted to help you understand how our wonderfully one of a kind renga workshop works.
Emina Smajevic
10 years 10 months ago
hi Barbara, here is one of mine
understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina Smajevic
10 years 10 months ago
and this one too
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Emina
just to remind you that you need to follow up with couplets after your senryu/haiku. You have contributed 2 with the 5-7-5 formats but I think you forget to follow up with the couplets.
Alid
Emina Smajevic
10 years 10 months ago
I just realized that
haha I'm so silly
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hey Emina
Theses two are a great start. Thanks for the additions. To post a haiku or senyru back to back both needs a couplet as Alid said. I tend to write just the haiku or senyru myself and someone else add the couplet. Otherwise write a tanka.
I've added couplets to both your senyru.
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
A love hate relationship
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains in here This line seems to have 6 syllable instead of 7. I put in (in) you can change it
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
Emina are you familiar with Tanka, if not this is the place to learn and become more skillful in writing it This workshop teaches 4 different kind of Japanese poetry all in one— Renga.
1. Haiku 2. Senyru 3. Tanka 4 and Renga. Couplets is simply 2 lines that rhyme or not added to your 3 lines haiku or senyru.
Thanks for the additions. This is going to be one great renga about hatred's legacy in its many forms.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Barbara
how about adding
'the" in Jess"s first stanza, 2nd verse to make it -
I hate hate to death
The United States warships
in my home harbour,
that way it makes it a real 5-7-5 syllable count.
not sure if "liars' is a 1 or 2 syllable count. It sounds 2 to me so that messed up the supposedly 7-7 couplet. What do you think Barbara?
Alid
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
thanks Alidzain, good suggestion
liars is 2 syllables, I was aware of the syllable miscount but was striving more for the spirit than the form. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
I think that a good idea. Liars is two syllable according to online dictionary. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/liar
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
my contribution
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
Sound good
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
Hows this for an improvement?
I hate hate to death
The United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Jess
It works and thanks for joining.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
The United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara
Leonard
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Barbara
I am not sure whether you remember me. I have returned to this site after a long gap. I would like my name to be added.
Thanks and kind regards
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
welcome back Leonard!
Great to see you, I took the liberty of adding you to the workshop. Look forward to your input.
Leonard
10 years 10 months ago
Thanks Jess
Great to be in touch after such a long hiatus. You make me feel that I was never absent from the site. It's great to be a member of a family of poets.
cheers
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Leonard
Yes it's been a long time. I do remember you. Welcome and thanks for joining. Leonard I can't to see your verses. Remember it's haiku ,senyru, tanka or a couplet added to one of the top three. In here it's mostly Tanka verses.
Ian.T
10 years 10 months ago
Renga
We may reach the 35 Stanzas that usually make up a short Renga, Lovely to see the fresh faces here today, this will be a great write, I will have to revise my pieces they may not be strong enough lol, Yours Ian.T
:- Here are my original writes for this Renga:-
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Ian.
Nice Ian. It works here.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
New additions
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
A love hate relationship
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Barbara *
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara,
the 3rd line in this stanza has 6 syllables count
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
You may be right. Centuries maybe three syllables. I pronounced it with two. I make the changes. Thanks for keeping it on tasks.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Thanks Jess
Thanks for moderating and adding new ones. I appreciate the help always.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Participants
A list of participants. The asterisk highlights those that haven't add their addition yet. Come share with us.
Jess
Ian.
Raj *
Alid
Emina
Leonard *
Robert
Robert Melliard
10 years 10 months ago
The legacy
I find it extremely difficult to bind my ideas into strict formats like the above submissions, so I am submitting two attempts at a presumably Japanese- style version and also the original poem.
The Legacy
Mum's tales of tortures
made me shiver over lunch
kids toasted for fun
She talked about the blitz too
buzz-bombs and V2s
Or another possible poem would be this:
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
And here is the original version more or less as it came out yesterday:
As I grew up in post-war Britain
hate lingered like a cloud of dust
from a bombed-out home.
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch:
Jewish kids had been hung over fires
she said, and slowly toasted for fun
while their parents looked on.
She talked about the blitz too,
and the buzz-bombs and the V2s,
and the T.V. documentaries I watched
confirmed her bitter vision.
At the age of sixty five, oddly enough,
she bought a Volkswagen Golf,
suggesting she'd got over her hatred.
In my case, I confess,
I still feel quietly annoyed
when Germany wins the Cup.
I shall comment on your above poems in a separate post.
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
are you missing 3 fingers, Robert?
You only have to count to 7.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Nice
But this is very long. One haiku senyru or tanka is what's the poem is calling for.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Robert
This is a beautiful poem. I add you verses to the poem and let's see what we get. Greatness I think.
Robert Melliard
10 years 10 months ago
Your poems
Jess, your bold repetition of the word "hate" is very effective, but I'm not sure if you should be so sweeping in you condemnation of conservatives. They're not all like Sarah Palin. In Britain some of them are quite moderate, like the one who resigned recently over our government's failure to condemn the Gaza bombings.
Emina, I like your "acids" poem more than the other one, but I'm not sure why. Just more original perhaps.
Alidzain, your contribution is very deep but a little too abstract for my taste. It reads more like philosophy than poetry to me, although the line between the two may be a very fine one.
Barbara, I love the line "regardless of well-wishers", but in general I find this poem a bit abstract.
Ian, your poems are sometimes so personal that it's difficult for me to understand your experiences. But then mine are pretty personal too.
Sorry it any of these comments sound presumptuous. I hope there is room for me in this workshop by the way.
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
Fair cop, Robert
all absolutists are completely wrong [grins].
In fact I make a practice of 'friending' conservatives, if only in Sun Tzu's advice to "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Robert
Your are welcome to join my workshop. This is a workshop that teaches 4 types of Japanese poetry 1. Haiku 2. senyru, and 3. tanka. Looking forward to seeing yours.
What makes this easy is that all you need do is write a haiku, senyru, or tanka in this workshop and let it stand for critiquing. Then I'll add it.
Your critique of the renga poem is welcome.
To join the workshop you must add your addition as well. One or two then wait for another to add theirs. Come back as often as you'd like. Warning: you'll become addicted like the rest of us. (Grins)
Remember renga is a poem that is written by several poets two or more. As many as want to join. It's not a renga if your are the only one writing it. Besides it's more fun to write with friends and watch the masterpiece develop the diverse personalities.
Robert Melliard
10 years 10 months ago
Jess
Perhaps you could clarify exactly what syllable counts I should be working towards. Perhaps "buzz-bombs and V2s" should be "the buzz-bombs and V2s", but I imagine I have made other blunders too.
Best wishes,
Robert.
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
buzzz bombs 2 syllables
we normally try to avoid using digits in poetry but V2s is the correct teminology, I would count it as two syllables.
Jumping ahead to your next question Japanese but they count syllables differently to we muddle on as best we can.
Robert Melliard
10 years 10 months ago
Japanese or Chinese?
Just out of interest, are the forms you are dealing with here Japanese or Chinese?
Best wishes,
Robert.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Robert
Japanese haiku, senyru, tanka, renga.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
New addition
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
A love hate relationship
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Thanks Robert yours made it personal. That's what we're looking for.
Robert Melliard
10 years 10 months ago
Many thanks
for your comments and clarifications. I am glad I have been accepted into the workshop.
Best wishes,
Robert.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Many welcomes
I'm glad that you've join us.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara adding my two pence
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Regards,
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Hello Barbara
I am in if you don't mind it. Better late than never I believe
I will add my name hoping to get something worthy to share soon. :)
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
My first thoughts this morning
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Rula
I liked your additions.
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Rula
Thanks for joining. Your addition is appreciate.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
New addition
Thanks for your comply additions.
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara,
the first line of this stanza has more than 5 syllable count
A love hate relationship
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Alid
Ian.T
10 years 10 months ago
Alid and Barbara
Just a correction to the 6 syllables in Line 1
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Have a great day both of you,
Yours Ian.T
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Ian. T
Thanks this works perfectly. I'll change it to relations.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
Thanks I miss it often I see. Glad you keeping me on the straight and narrow.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Great work
A list of participants. The asterisk highlights those that haven't add their addition yet. Come share with us.
Jess
Ian.
Raj
Alid
Emina
Leonard *
Robert
Rula
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Great work there Barbara
Your time and the follow up is always appreciated. I'm reading everyone's participation and think this is a really good work on many levels.
Thank you dear!
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Rula
Thanks I appreciate your perspective. I'm glad to be doing something good that everybody can relate to and wanna keep coming back.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
A revision Hatred's Legacy
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
We are doing a great thing here
A list of participants. The asterisk highlights those that haven't add their addition yet. Come share with us.
Jess
Ian.
Raj
Alid
Emina
Leonard *
Robert
Rula
Hi Leonard I hope to see at least one addition from you. I'm sure your addition would add something special to the renga poem.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
I'm out for the night
Goodnight folk, If all goes well with me I'll get to sleep if not I'll be back and up late.
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara, you have found your form
not just the organisational skills but the profound way you assemble these egoist, anarchistic poets.
Epiphanic work.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Thanks Jess
I'm just trying to keep the workshop simple and easy to follow. So more poets would want to join in. Really I'm making it up as I go. Without organization there is no order. Assemble poets.? Hmm I never thought of it that way. Sounds like a good ?
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 10 months ago
My try at this, no guarantees its good
You hate me for being
everything you want.
For everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangled by your idiot demands
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Carrie,
your syllable count is off. the first stanza should be in a 5-7-5 syllable count format. Let me show you.
You hate me for being ( being is 2 syllable count so this verse has a total of 6 syllable count instead of 5)
everything you want. (this second verse is short of 1 syllable count to make it 7)
For everything I'm not ( I counted 7 syllable count here. It should be 5.)
Love left before it began
Strangled by your idiot demands (I counted 9 syllable count. It should be 7)
Unfortunately I don't really have a good suggestion to offer. Let's see if the others could help out.
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Carrie
Hey Carrie thanks for the addition. It is a really good one. Just what we are looking for. As for the syllable count. Alid's suggestion are good.
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Just a suggestion. Write it your way.
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 10 months ago
Barb
I like what you put. Sounds so much better...was never good at counting syllables. Feel free to add this as you have edited it. Thank you.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Carrie
Okay thanks for the addition.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
More from me
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Raj
Thanks for addition. I never look at it that way.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara
Thanks. It is true isn't it that we expect for a hate free life but that isn't reality which is what i tried to communicate..
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Raj
Yea it's true. A hate free world won't be realized in this dying world. There is a better hope bc this world have no hope.
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Nice one raj
and so true indeed.
I wonder if each renga should be a continuation of the last one. If this is the case, I think I have missed it in my first submission.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Renga use to be continuation
In the beginning it was continuation of the last, but now it seems to have evolved nicely into each Renga being unique to its own theme and title.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Thank you Rula for stopping
Thank you Rula for stopping by and your appreciative comment...
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hatred's Legacy
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Carrie *
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Raj *
Hatred is insane
Body of mother's baby
Riddled with bullets
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells distraught family bring it.
Barbara *
Ian.T
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara
Would like to put the last two parts in so that suggestions can be taken on how to end this touch of hate:-
As our hate subsides
Let us rejoice in a love
Unconditional
Let us free our ways today
We have to drive hate away.
.
Yours as always Ian.T
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Ian, Barbara
Nice one Ian,
Barbara,'
Are we coming to the wrap up stage of this Renga. If so, do let us know so that I will not post further..
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Raj
It suppose to close Sunday night on the 14th. So y'all can post till then and any new participants have time to join.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Ian
A good one. The workshop closes Sunday.
I don't see hate ending anytime soon, but it nice to end on a positive note with hopes that hate will subside in ppl. But we know that won't happen bc ppl gets worse as life goes on.
It'll take a higher power than any we possess to soy this out of control train. The power to endure to the end is about the best it gets. It. Something gotta give. What we can do is drive it away from us by sticking close and now letting hate filtrate our heart. Not a each task.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Barbara
3rd line in this stanza has 6 syllable count.
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through the centuries
Suggested change-
conflicts spread in time
You forget to put in your edited stanza in the last comment
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Alid
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Alid
Thanks I missed that. I appreciate your sharp eyes. Keeping me straight.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
New additions
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Carrie *
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Raj *
Hatred is insane
Body of mother's baby
Riddled with bullets
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells distraught family bring it.
Barbara *
As our hate subsides
Let us rejoice in a love
Unconditional
Let us free our ways today
We have to drive hate away.
Ian.T **
A heart treacherous
Want to strike back with much force
Love keep putting up
Put away maliciousness
You can't change others just you.
Barbara **
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
This is longest yet.
Alid since you are sharp at catching errors. Would you read this double checking for a errors I may have missed.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Hi Barbara, here are the ones I see
how simply divine
behind my curtains here (6 syllable count)
is summer out there
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the roof tops (last 2 words should be 1 word "rooftops")
of the crumbling homes
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells distraught family bring it.(8 syllable counts)
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Thanks I Alid
I appreciate that. My eyes are getting worse plus I have a lot going on that has me slipping.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Revision
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here Emina do you have a word you'd like to plug in to correct the syllable count
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the rooftops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Carrie *
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Raj *
Hatred is insane
Body of mother's baby
Riddled with bullets
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells grieved family bring it.
Barbara *
As our hate subsides
Let us rejoice in a love
Unconditional
Let us free our ways today
We have to drive hate away.
Ian.T **
A heart treacherous
Want to strike back with much force
Love keep putting up
Put away maliciousness
You can't change others just you.
Barbara **
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara
If you feel this would be a good addition, I leave the choice to you of placing it anywhere you deem fit..
Antidote for hate
is being empathetic
to fellow humans
Diminish hate's legacy
by being compassionate
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Thanks Raj
I think it fit well with the ending of this as we wine down hatred to a positive.
raj
10 years 10 months ago
Barbara
I too thought that it would be a good way to end this renga on a positive note as and when we come to its conclusion. Good to know that you too think like wise. Let's seek opinion of others as we progress. It's quite possible for someone to come up with something better.
Regards,
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Raj
Sounds good.
Anyone having opinions as we progress is welcome. Look to hear from everyone.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Renga new addition
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
behind my curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the rooftops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Carrie *
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Raj *
Hatred is insane
Body of mother's baby
Riddled with bullets
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells grieved family bring it.
Barbara *
As our hate subsides
Let us rejoice in a love
Unconditional
Let us free our ways today
We have to drive hate away.
Ian.T *
A heart treacherous
Want to strike back with much force
Love keep putting up
Put away maliciousness
You can't change others just you.
Barbara *
Antidote for hate
is being empathetic
to fellow humans
Diminish hate's legacy
by being compassionate
Raj *
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Renga new addition
Doubling again lol
Leonard
10 years 10 months ago
My contribution
i hate the thought that
the world is a huge burning
cauldron of hatred
we must learn to love to hate
hatred in its every form
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Leonard
Thanks I appreciate you add this fine tanka.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Leonard
Thanks I appreciate your fine tanka.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Winding down to closing
All have posted to this poem at least once. Thank you all for supporting this Renga. 9. Hatred's Legacy. This Renga will be open till Sunday 12:00am. Any positive additions are still welcome till then. Thanks again for another fine Renga.
Hatred's Legacy
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Jess *
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Alidzain *
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is spilled blood and death
Barbara *
My mind held vice like
Kept me a captive for years
Now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
Why could I not see my life
Beatings, Beatings, Beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
No more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Ian. *
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
Many blows abusive speech
Straight for the knife and he's dead
Barbara *
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
Emina *
Blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
Barbara *
how simply divine
it is behind curtains here
is summer out there
Emina *
Hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
Barbara *
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
Mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
Robert *
I hate the thought that
the world is a huge burning
cauldron of hatred
we must learn to love to hate
hatred in its every form
Leonard *
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the rooftops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
Raj *
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
If we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
Rula *
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
Love left before it began
Strangling idiot demands
Carrie *
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
For a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Raj *
Hatred is insane
Body of mother's baby
Riddled with bullets
Cops shout f–ing animals
Tells grieved family bring it.
Barbara *
As our hate subsides
Let us rejoice in a love
Unconditional
Let us free our ways today
We have to drive hate away.
Ian.T *
A heart treacherous
Want to strike back with much force
Love keep putting up
Put away maliciousness
You can't change others just you.
Barbara *
Antidote for hate
is being empathetic
to fellow humans
Diminish hate's legacy
by being compassionate
Raj *
A list of participants that have share at least one poem to Renga 9 Hatred's Legacy.
Jess✅
Ian.✅
Raj ✅
Alid✅
Emina✅
Leonard ✅
Robert ✅
Rula✅
Carrie✅
Barbara ✅
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
I feel the shiver of collaborative creativity
Barbara you have done a brilliant job leading this workshop and I look forward to the final form being posted on the Stream. I added little myself but feel grateful to be part of it.
This is poets, poetry, Neopoet and community in form, a huge achievement.
I look forward to your next one.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Jess
Thanks. I so glad you added. Your little is more than many. It means a lot to have you apart of the workshop.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hello everybody
This is your collaboratively written Renga poem by ten of you. Read it carefully for any changes, critiques or suggestions you feel needs to happen before I post to the main stream. Once on the stream changes won't be possible. Suggestions and critiques will still be appreciated and accepted from all poets on the stream for co authors responses.
Renga 9 "Hatred's Legacy"
I hate hate to death
the United States warships
in my home harbour,
skinheads and conservatives
make me hate me for hating.
Hatred breeds unrest
the soul is blinded from truth
the mind is troubled
it leads one to the dark path
which will end in true despair
Hatred starts more wars
between race and religion
down through centuries
regardless of well wishers
outcome is blood guilt and death
My mind held vice like
kept me a captive for years
now I am so free
I was feared to even leave
why could I not see my life
Beatings, beatings, beat.
I now just wander the street
I am my own "Me"
no more to take life's big fake
I sent him to his hell's door.
Love hate relations
is one act of unkindness
away from snapping
many blows abusive speech
straight for the knife and he's dead
Understandably
acids have always been so
acidly bitter
blinded by his jealousness
her beauty has been stolen.
How simply divine
it is behind curtains here
is summer out there
hiding from judgmental eyes
she peeks behind the curtains
In post-war Britain
hate lingered like a dust-cloud
from a bombed-out home
mum's tales of Nazi tortures
made me shiver over lunch
I hate the thought that
the world is a huge burning
cauldron of hatred
we must learn to love to hate
hatred in its every form
Like a silent storm
hate sweeps away the rooftops
of the crumbling homes
loving more and hating less
leads to a sanctuary
When love misbehaves,
and overtstays the right track,
hatred finds a way.
if we remember to bliss,
just then we forget to hate.
You hate me being
everything you say you want
everything I'm not
love left before it began
strangling idiot demands
Life could be so bland
without a pinch of hatred
like salt free diet
for a perfect recipe
avoid excess of hatred
Hatred is insane
body of mother's baby
riddled with bullets
cops shout f–ing animals
Tells grieved family bring it.
As our hate subsides
let us rejoice in a love
unconditional
let us free our ways today
we have to drive hate away.
A heart treacherous
want to strike back with much force
love keep putting up
put away maliciousness
you can't change others just you.
Antidote for hate
is being empathetic
to fellow humans
diminish hate's legacy
by being compassionate
Co Authors
Ian.T
raj
Barbara Writes
alidzain
weirdelf
Emina Smajevic
Leonard
Robert Melliard
Rula
lonlyhrtsclub13
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Hello everyone
Since no one is signaling change, we all are in agreement that this Renga is approved by all participant.
I will be posting to the stream in a few.
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Hello Barbara
and many thanks for the time devoted to make this workshop a success.
I hoped for more participation of my end, but unfortunately my time is not always mine.
Anyways, I thought it is time to payback where and when it's due.
Thank you dear.
Barbara Writes
10 years 10 months ago
Rula
Thanks for giving to the Renga WS. Your support was welcoming.
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
A superb workshop, Barbara,
you have clearly found your niche,
May I recommend that you continue to challenge yourself still further until you strike the "Voice of Barbara" that will stand in the annals of poetic History.