Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

alidzain
alidzain
Sep 28, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse: A Study in Pink.

(Read More...)

A Study In Pink (Section 4)

The owner of the the Grand Royale Hotel was fuming
His business rival, John Creel, has been spreading rumours
sending his worried customers packing and leaving,
fearing the lies about a non-existing curse.
Only a few refused to believe the nonsense remained.
Roy Mackwill was grateful but if this continues,
his hotel business's reputation will be flushed into the drain
unless he decided quickly what to do

He cannot just leave it to the Scotland Yard detectives.
None of their assurances could ease his troubled heart
thus he advertised in the local paper, offering incentives
to anyone who could help solve the case in all haste
knowing fully well that his rival will do his best
to see him fail and his livelihood ruined
but he was ready to face this test
and he was sure he could win

Alid

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 9 months ago

Very good.

This contained "complication". A thought toward storyline. Now we need his relationship with the cops. How is he pushing them forward? What sort of "hits" does he get with his adds that he can pass on to them? Then we can get worse. What if he is the killer? What if Mog...
Someone needs to introduce our detectives. Someone has to start trying to solve this case and though it could be anyone they are likely the ones to get that ball rolling. Also, let's discuss why Anabel is a suspect. Did someone see her that night? Was she actually there?
Stan, it is your turn. Don't feel you have to write about Mog. We have a full ensemble and most have not been introduced.

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

10 years 9 months ago

I like it too

I see yove introduced the detectives as unworthy of trust. . I take issue. Lol. So far Mog is the only suspect reveal, we gotta see what connection Annabel has with the victim. I think the victim is her outcast lover so, maybe see if she took his head

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Hi Barbara

not unworthy of trust, its just that, Roy was desperate. His business rival was doing all he can to destroy his business and he felt pressured to counter the man's action and save his business, which is why he needed to be involved. As I have mentioned in the intro, he hates to lose control. Offering reward to hasten the invesigation is his way of tring to salvage the situation.

Alid

lonlyhrtsclub13

lonlyhrtsclub13

10 years 9 months ago

I like this

Gives me some ideas for my next run at this.

R

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Alid

As a common man I liked your take on the event. May be you could make it flow more smoothly especially in second verse.

Regards,

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Raj

Any ideas? I'm fighting off the migrain and flu even as I was posting the poem.Don't think I can offer more. Help please. I'm quite spent. No idea.

Alid

R

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Alid,

If I come up with some alternative/s I would definitely sare them with you. Get well soon, flu can drain you of energy.

Take good care,

Rula

Rula

10 years 9 months ago

I was to pm. you as requested

Khalid when you got your share submitted.
You are fast people, aren't you?
I feel like my turn is coming so soon, isn't it?

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Salaam, Rula

it's just a coincidence that after I pm you, I read Wes's comment asking me to post. I already have some story plan after reading Ian's character profile, so I just stick to it

Alid.

lovedly

lovedly

10 years 9 months ago

STICK TO UR GUNS

Don't budge
u know where lies the grudge
and the story don't fudge