Lost Innocence

A lonely street bleeds despair
as innocence ravaged by immorality
where women and children stripped bare
by sinners who know no pity.

The warmth of their smiles stolen
turned into an art of seduction.
Their laughter faded in memory
as they fell deeper into misery.

you see them walking here
in clothes barren of decency
in truth they lived in fear
caged in their insecurity

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Roscoe Lane

10 years 9 months ago

Starts well,

Starts well and has good content, i just feel you lost a bit in the last verse. But maybe wait and read some other comments. Regards Roscoe...

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Ok, Roscoe

Any suggestion on how to improve the ending?

Alid

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Alid

You have given voice here to your internal turbulence about the ghastly acts happening around. A couple of suggestions:-

1. by sinners who knows[know] no pity.
2. deny their story [dream]

As suggested by Roscoe you may want to work on the concluding verse which i believe is a repetition of your venting in the earlier verses. How about providing a clue about what needs to be done to absolve the victims so that they can do what they aspire?

Regards,

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Raj

thanks for the visit and done the edits as for adding the vereses, I will do it another time after I have enough rest. Thing are not going well here so I'm still struggling.

Alid

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Alid

Please don't feel rushed. Take your time and do the edits as per what you deem fit. I only made suggestions..no necessary that you change. Good to see you are attempting various forms amd getting good at them.

Regards,