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Oct 31, 2014
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Be Yourself.. Serious Limericks WS
Look not to my old fashioned way
That reflect faults that would haunt your day.
You've a brain to use
A world to peruse
Just be aware of what I say
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is now a combined effort so don't blame just Me, tra la Lee
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
10 years 11 months ago
Ian
your language use and thought that went into this limerick is very good. As for the rhyme sequence, to me it fits the sequence...however I am new to this style...
Regards,
wesley snow
10 years 11 months ago
Ian, it's not a limerick.
The format is not negotiable.
"A limerick is not but a fable
produced by small men hardly able
to give a good rhyme,
a cent or the time
or I've fallen out of me cradle".
Forgive me for using my own as an example, but I'm new to this too, so I need the practice. See how lines 4 and 5 are considerably shorter than the rest? You can't cheat here. It's a limerick. You risk angering the gods by changing the rules.
Ian.T
10 years 11 months ago
Wesley
Thank you have looked up the format and corrected the glaring mistake, it should be OK now,
Yours Ian. T
weirdelf
10 years 11 months ago
Wesley, I disagree
the fourth and fifth lines are traditionally shorter.
wesley snow
10 years 11 months ago
I'm sorry, I thought that's what I said.
That they were shorter.
Ian.T
10 years 11 months ago
Wesley
My fault I corrected before the others saw the two long third and fourth lines. Now it's sorted we can carry on lol.
Yours Ian
lovedly
10 years 11 months ago
just mind what I say
apart from what ws says
don't you think?
u missed a
don't somewhere
just don't or don't just
well very sorry for the intrusion
I have been directed exclusion
asked to be a running linesman
to stay out of the limy can
mine's always an outstanding submission
Ian.T
10 years 11 months ago
Loved
There is no need for don't in what I wrote.
"Mind what I say" means take notice of what I say.
The Scots use the words a lot, Mind is used in many ways and this is just one of them,
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian
lovedly
10 years 11 months ago
i had a mind
not to mind
ur limy as per me is fine
how did u find mine?
wesley snow
10 years 11 months ago
Gem's go is good.
I had trouble with your last line Ian. I've had to take to the book of them I own to read the rhythm until it's easy.
They are beyond disgusting. Obscene. Whatever happened to innuendo? Graphic plumbing is more like it.
I'm alright.