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Nov 05, 2014
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The Thief ( Limerick WS)(with spoken word)
A thief once went by the name of Death,
had stolen the Man but not his wealth.
In the day or the night,
while it's dark or bright,
but never been accused of taking the breath.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lovedly
10 years 7 months ago
theif or maybe thief
'ccused ...did you mean accused?
and thief typo title or you wanted attraction?
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Thank you
.
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Hello gem
I didn't get what does 'orf' stand for. I am not a fan of those abbreviations.
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
'orf'
?
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Thanks gem
I see what you mean concerning the rhyme scheme. 'Death' and 'wealth' don't perfectly rhyme with 'filth',, right?
However the rhythm still drives me crazy
HELP!!
lovedly
10 years 7 months ago
and yes some more stuff just to help
why Man in caps?
and why not include woman...
both are equal now a days
one more point ...wait I'll have to go back ...wait yes...
it's dark why not was ?? i wonder
tenses roll as the day the night
get your limys right
for a worn out tee shirt
is the targetted fight
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Man
when capitalized includes both men and women.
and I can't see the use of 'was' here.
perhaps it's only me.
raj
10 years 7 months ago
Rula
Not sure if this would work. Just a suggestion
A thief all fear called Death.
Steals a life of every breath.
be it day or night
he uses his might
leaving a corpse to lay a wreath
Regards,
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Thank you raj
I like the suggestions. A better rhyming words: wreath, breath and death, however I still think the rhythm is off.
I thank you so much for trying to help. I will take your rhymes in consideration when editing.
raj
10 years 7 months ago
That's fine Ru;a. Take
That's fine Ru;a. Take whatever suits you.
Regards,
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
sorry
duplicated.
wesley snow
10 years 7 months ago
Try this.
Do you know the poem "The Night Before Christmas"? Find it and read the opening over again. It is written in catalyctic anapest just like a limerick. The rhythm is the same. A limerick simply has but three poetic feet.
This is doing it the hard way, but it might work.
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Thank you sir
I think my ear has started to feel the sounds.
I read that poem a few times and shall do it again.