Rise Of A New Hunter

The stage was set for the confrontation
Irene Gray became the bait
corrupt enforcers provoked into action
by a relentless reporter's investigations.

Sulong Fazwan, waited in the shadows,
assigned to protect her from the treacherous scum
It did not take long for their enemies to strike,
but they found and revealed them by spotlight.

If gunshots are music, then the battle is tango
and Irene was not just a pretty face
even unarmed; her punches and kicks show
she's a fighter who can put them to waste.

One came from behind, his gun at her head
"Meddlesome bitch -- die!" he coldly said
but she stamped on his foot, elbowed his chest,
then her fist to his nose brought him down like the rest

The traitors were caught, the mission - success.
but she thought she’d not see her partner again
then an invitaton from Psychic Grace
led her to meet him and his group of friends

Since then, she has been one of them
A hunter on a mission until the end

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

judyanne

10 years 6 months ago

is this a true history alid?

I know none of the characters... nor have i heard the story

This is well written, the story is clear, but it lacks a certain emotion. It is more narrative, than poetry... perhaps a little more attention to the rhythm may make it more so

Thank you for sharing
Love judy
xxx

alidzain

10 years 6 months ago

Hi Judy

Nah, it isn't real. I was inspired by Ian's Digit character and I create a team of heroes called the hunters, in contrast of the team of Ian's Digit, Gee's Killer and Carrie's Nevermore. Here's the lineup in my team of law enforcers along with the poems which are about them -

Dr Chaz, the criminal pathologist with the ability to see the victims' last moments .
( "Hunting The Predator" and "Digit's Copycats")

Irene Gray, the persistent reporter ( this one that you've read)

Grace Tan, the powerful psychic, leader of the group ("The Story Of Grace")

Sulong Fazwan, the undercover cop ("Insider" and "Night Market")

The truth is we want to write a showdown between the 2 teams but I got hold up with the computer prob and the surgery. Glad you comment on it before I decided to scrap it. Any ideas on how to edit it to make it more better.

Alid. ,

alidzain

10 years 6 months ago

Judy

I need help with the rhythm. Help pretty pleeeease. (blinking my eyelids)

Alid

judyanne

10 years 6 months ago

i've done a quick edit

i hope i haven't taken away any major points you were making
this is just one example of how to cut it a little (and add words in spots) to even up the line length and make it (hopefully) read smoother.... just imo i stress alid xxx

The stage was set for the confrontation
Irene Gray became the bait
corrupt enforcers provoked into action
by a relentless reporter's investigations.

Sulong Fazwan, waited in the shadows,
assigned to protect her from the treacherous scum
It did not take long for their enemies to strike,
but they found and revealed them by spotlight.

If gunshots are music, then the battle is tango
and Irene was not just a pretty face
even unarmed; her punches and kicks show
she's a fighter who can put them to waste.

One came from behind, his gun at her head
"Meddlesome bitch -- die!" he coldly said
but she stamped on his foot, elbowed his chest,
then her fist to his nose brought him down like the rest

The traitors were caught, the mission - success.
but she thought she’d not see her partner again
then an invitaton from Psychic Grace
led her to meet him and his group of friends

Since then, she has been one of them
A hunter on a mission until the end

hope this is of help
love judy
xxx