brittle light

Nov 24, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Homemade Life

seeking
happier
pastures

green
flowing
sappy
with hope

and soft
supple
nights where
world weary dreams
no longer
stomp
and demand;
the spell, broken
the strive, forsaken

rips and tears on my life map
had exposed a failing cynicism
(the hard, hip, city bred kind);
cracked
crumbling
debased;
every residual fragment
now swept
swirling
into the great
anywhere-but-here

to once again
bathe in the bracing chill
of morning rain
draining
straight onto dirt;
embracing
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks

ummm!
I smell pie

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

Roscoe Lane

10 years 8 months ago

Rips,

Rips and tears on my life map, had exposed a failing cynicism. The hard, hip, city bred kind. Love these three lines, the rest of the poem is very good but these three lines are exceptional in my eyes. Regards Roscoe...

brittle light

10 years 7 months ago

Roscoe

thanks for your thoughts
much welcomed

a late reply again...but , you know how I roll by now!

alidzain

10 years 7 months ago

Hi there!

love the imagery in this one. Well done.

Alid

brittle light

10 years 7 months ago

hello Alid

thanks
I appreciate your thoughts
I believe this is the first time we have corresponded
I'm sure we'll be running into each other again

brittle light

10 years 7 months ago

Another double post

Is it me...what happens... very strange
oh well. not the end of the world

judyanne

10 years 7 months ago

i really like this Al

i have read it many times and like it ever more with each read

excellent differing word and line length usage
you have effectively described the different moods of your life

and as well as the lines Roscoe mentioned, which are very powerful, i simply love the finish -
to once again
(embrace)
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks''

nothing to suggest (sorry).. great write
love judy
xxx

brittle light

10 years 7 months ago

Hi, Judy

I'm still here...just late as usual

I sometimes feel my writing is too simple, even trivial...but then unexpected compliments.
I guess all stylistic levels can co-exist in this venue.... variety is a delectable spice!

thank you