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"Sonnets"...Let's Know More

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Words Of The Nightingale (Elizabethan Sonnet)

Alike the nightingale my words would rhyme,
beguile the heart, induce and charm the ear.
Enchanting rhymes, a nightingale would chime,
shall you to them, one day, those words endear?

Alike the nightingale my words upsoar;
inspire poets, stir, evoke the feels.
My words alike the nightingale abhor
the foul play that man for long now reels.

Yet like a night in gale my words are raped.
Unlike the mighty swords, they oddly rust.
Enchained in ignorance they now are scraped,
the pages calm, the words have lost their gust.

The mighty words, once cut alike the swords,
become the nightingale's but broken cords.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Salam, Rula

does this type of sonnet needs perfect rhyme too? I thought you need the same syllable count for that. If so, then "ear" and "endear" in the 1st stanza won't be right.

Alid

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 4 months ago

I disagree.

Listen carefully.
Each rhyming sound has a preceding sound. It need not be part of one of the words. In this case "ear" is preceded by "the" and "dear" by "en". Words need not be of the same syllable count within the word itself. The word preceding gives the metrical stress or unstress. The only thing we are concerned with is that the like vowel sounds in our rhyme are preceded by unlike consonant sounds. Note I said "sound". Spelling is irrelevant. Only sound counts.
Does this make sense?

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

Salam Khalid

so I expect from you a perfect Elizabethan sonnet :)

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

lol

Oh no you don't. NOT in my current state. I'm just quoting our judy. You can expect it from HER, I'm still very much a novice.

Alid

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

just a couple of things rula

the FOUL | PLAY that | MAN for | LONG now | REELS

raped / encaged does not rhyme
Ear / endear are not perfect rhyme

A beautiful sonnet
I love the opening two verses
And a great finishing couplet

Love judy
xxx

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

foul

is only one syllable rula

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

there is an optional shwa

foul

adjective \ˈfau̇(-ə)l\

: very unpleasant to taste or smell

: morally bad : very evil

: very bad or unpleasant

I think it is not so clear for the native speaker :)

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

just me maybe

but I think it, as with the 'beaut' in your 'As May Passed By', will be read by most as one syllable, thus sounding out in rhythm

Love judy
xxx

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

nice edit - rhymes well

But doesn't seem to do it justice
Can i suggest
Enchained in ignorance they're badly shaped .?.?

Just a thought :)
love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

doesn't do it justice

you mean doesn't fit for the verse's meaning ? I know it means something like "scratched"