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Feb 06, 2015
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Love me O Dawn
Love me O Dawn
My Love
In the moonlight I see your sparkling face
I recollect yours such a charming smile
where can anyone love so tender ever trace
except in your romance all my while
The candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me out like a forest
But still I will keep it aright
when I think of you being so modest
Champagne we shall have so free
All will also enjoy some water of coconut
Candy will be served along with tea
For those who love to have salted peanut
Love and my heart shall rejoice
Tenderness and tears would be your choice
Dawn
THAT twill dawn is a foregone conclusion
there can be no intrusion
but
whether we will participate or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say
I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure
I want to achieve poetic recognition
of money fame I have no audition
all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity is
mans wildness of thought
becomes naught
the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
10 years 5 months ago
i think
You have three poems in one here, loved
(and maybe just a tad of waffle)
What do you reckon?
Love judy
xxx
lovedly
10 years 5 months ago
i reckon
to separate the chaff
with your winnow..
what is ur reckon
may I know
judyanne
10 years 5 months ago
no
You try first
xxx
alidzain
10 years 5 months ago
Hi loved
I wil suggest at least 3 stanzas for this lovely piece.
Alid
mand
10 years 5 months ago
Loved
I agree with Judyanne you have the makings of three good poems here and there are some awesome lines in there too.
I look forward to seeing how this progresses. :)
Love Mand xxxx
lovedly
10 years 5 months ago
some awesome lines
Which r those ???
judyanne
10 years 5 months ago
actually. it has two poems, I find
and I have given in, and edited it to my suggestions
BUT - next time I visit you, you try first - deal?
xxx
Love me O Dawn
my Love
in the moonlight
I see your sparkling face
recollect your charming smile
where can anyone ever trace
love so tender
except in your romance
the candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me
like a forest
champagne we shall have
enjoy some water of coconut
candy served with tea
when I think of you
so modest
love and my heart shall rejoice
tenderness and tears
would be your choice
Dawn
there can be no intrusion
but
------------------
whether we will participate
or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say
I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure
I want to achieve
poetic recognition
of money fame
I have no audition
all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity
is mans' wildness of thought
become naught
the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.
-----------------------------------
love judy
xxx
lovedly
10 years 5 months ago
That's abs right
yes there are two poems
that's right
I will read yours with delight
Thanks Judy
your edits I like
deaf?
yes really ,
partially
blind?
yes definitely
one eye only
one winks at 16
the other blinks
at prospective
Valentine
14 Feb coming do you see!
lovedly
8 years 9 months ago
WHERE RU NOW Judy
you never now come to advise me
hope you are well lady
Love me O Dawn
my Love
in the moonlight
I see your sparkling face
recollect your charming smile
where can anyone ever trace
love so tender
except in your romance
the candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me
like a forest
champagne we shall have
enjoy some water of coconut
candy served with tea
when I think of you
so modest
love and my heart shall rejoice
tenderness and tears
would be your choice
Dawn
there can be no intrusion
but
------------------
whether we will participate
or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say
I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure
I want to achieve
poetic recognition
of money fame
I have no audition
all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity
is mans' wildness of thought
become naught
the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.