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Mar 09, 2015
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When Darkness Falls (March Contest)
i know that somewhere there is light
my house is dark, but have no fright,
i've nightlights up and down the hall
they shine though they are very small
the sky is black, no pinpricks bright
i know that somewhere there is light
there's really nowhere else to go
I try to keep my breathing slow
the wind is picking up i hear
perhaps the clouds will fin'lly clear
i know that somewhere there is light
though shadows loom both left and right
my fear may get the best of me
but even though i'm blind, i see,
behind some cloud, even at night,
i know that somewhere there is light.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wasn't sure how to chop up the word "finally" correctly in the second line of the third stanza. is that correct?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
emeka ozurumba
10 years 3 months ago
i see that...
stresssed pronouncing of the word fin'ly gives this victorian plush, and you sing as the thrush very very beautiful . this write is impeccable cause of form, sound and lyrically.. very wonderful write i enjoyed it
mand
10 years 3 months ago
Hellooo emogothgirl
Wow - All of you contestants are writing high standard poetry - this one is no exception - it's going to be difficult for the judges.
Good luck in the contest!
Love Mand xxx
Rula
10 years 3 months ago
Wow!
There is always a light of hope at the end of the tunnel.
All we need is to track that light and there we are.
and the refrain, is just great!
Really like this one dear.
Wish you the best.
PS. Not so sure if finally chopped right. I am waiting with you to see what others should say. :)
raj
10 years 3 months ago
A lovely quatern and even
A lovely quatern and even though Rhyme is not an essential norm you have used the aabb sequence very nicely...a great read with poetic appeal...you are definitely a contender ..
best of luck...
emogothgirl
10 years 3 months ago
wow guys
i didn't expect so many kind words! thanks so much. i'm still not sure if i chopped finally right, but i suppose we shall see.
thanks again,
Mag
wesley snow
10 years 3 months ago
Here's how I see it.
If you look "finally" up in the dictionary you will find it broken down into three syllables. However, if you listen to some unsuspecting guinea pig say the word you will find only two syllables.
These days I trust in natural reading habits and don't use contractions very much.
I would spell it normally believing it will be read with two syllables.
Barbara Writes
10 years 3 months ago
Beautiful
I'm not at all acquainted with quatrain. So this reads near perfect to me. What do you think of my first ever attempt?
scribbler
10 years 3 months ago
I think
The best way to handle "finally" is to not use it lol. Try Perhaps the clouds at last will clear. Good old K.I.S.S. principle. Good luck in contest.......stan
judyanne
10 years 3 months ago
I agree with Wes re 'finally'
The dictionary divides it as 'FAHYN -l -ee' and I can't say 'l -ee' in two beats - to me it is one
I pronounce it with two ... unless it is used alone ... then I sometimes pronounce it in three as an exaggerated sigh - FAHYN a LEE
But the way you have it is perfectly ok too, if you want to definitely clarify it for the reader. And it is correctly done, with the apostrophe standing in for the missing letters
A really lovely write, with a great theme
Good rhythm and rhyme
Best of luck in the contest
Love judy
xxx
I
emogothgirl
10 years 3 months ago
i have decided
that fin'lly is the way to go, even though it looks kind of weird. i don't think there's any way to comfortably write it lol
thank you guys so much for the read and the comments, i really appreciate it. there's some super tough competition for this contest, i'm loving it!
thanks again,
Mag
wesley snow
10 years 3 months ago
Because I do this.
Your "fin'ly" needs two "L"s. Fin'lly. Finally.
emogothgirl
10 years 3 months ago
aha
done and done, thanks wes!
raj
10 years 3 months ago
Hi Mag
I couldn't help myself returning to this lovely piece of imagination and creativity, I wish there was an icon for a loud clap...the contest judge/s are really going to have it tough to adjudicate one winner...
Regards,
emogothgirl
10 years 3 months ago
you guys are too nice to me!
you guys are too nice to me! it means a lot raj, thank you.
Mag
Sparrow
10 years 3 months ago
Mag
I think it is awful and not really suitable for the March competition.
Because it may beat mine,
I really hate coming second all the time. LOL
Great write there young lady but please don't try so hard next time, lol
Yours as always Sparrow..
PS:- Sorry Mag's Sparrow got out, and was dancing on the keys again, yours, Ian xx
emogothgirl
10 years 3 months ago
ha!
i am humbled by you all, once again. no worries sparrow, or was it ian? haha
Mag
alidzain
10 years 3 months ago
Mag
Nice going there! WOW! Seems like we really have very strong participants for the March contest. Makes me wonder who is going to win. Anyway, you've done well in this piece. (applause!!)
Alid
raj
10 years 3 months ago
Hi Mag
I may be guessing...though I wouldn't bet...in my opinion you are the strongest contender to win the March Contest...we will know soon if I guessed right...
Regards,
emogothgirl
10 years 2 months ago
hey guys
thank you so much! we shall see!
Mag
raj
10 years 2 months ago
Sorry Mag, my guess was wrong
Sorry Mag, my guess was wrong.
Regards,