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Mar 28, 2015
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EQUALIZER
In a cemetery rank and old
whose church's steeple rises thrusting and bold
lie the parishioners in ragged rows
beneath the ground where all time slows..
Some alone, some in family plots
whether in cloth or coffin their shroud rots.
In their rest none there complain
for now they're free of earthly pain.
One grave marked by a field stone
not much larger than a corn pone
beside another's monumental statue
whose granite eyes stare downward at you.
But be the marker huge or tall
the sun shines equally on them all.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
China Blue
10 years 3 months ago
Stan
One tiny suggestion is all I have
add "them" before all
or perhaps not
scribbler
10 years 3 months ago
good suggestion
And thanks for the visit......stan
judyanne
10 years 3 months ago
l really like this Stan
but 'beneath the ground where slow time grows' bothers me a tad
I have no idea why it bugs me - I actually like the concept.... but it doesn't seem quite right - it pulls the reader too far out of the poem in order that one can ponder on it.
Just me I know, but I think maybe 'where time grows slow' might work better
Love the write Stan - good rhythm
love judy
xxx
scribbler
10 years 3 months ago
I can
always count on you to pinpoint the very same things I'm not satisfied with lol. I'll see what I can do with that line with fresh eyes today........stan
raj
10 years 3 months ago
Hello Stan
It seems to me that wherever you go your mind sub consciously pans all around and then during leisurely moments gets downloaded in the form of poetic verse...like this one...
great job as always,
Regards,
scribbler
10 years 3 months ago
Hi Raj
After time it seems the hardest thing is finding something to write about which I've not already covered. And you're right. I drove by a cemetery the other day and there were plain unmarked field stones and large monument some with statues. But rich or poor those beneath these markers are the same......stan