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alidzain
alidzain
Apr 06, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

To Be An Angel of Hope (A Quartern)

I wish I had a pair of wings
to soar across the sky, so blue
to save the weak from endless wars
and make their dream for peace come true

I've heard the news of starving men
I wish I had a pair of wings
to offer food and drinks to them
and end the tears that hunger brings

Dear God, I see the young in pain
betrayed and used, denied of rights!
I wish I had a pair of wings
to free their hearts and bring delights.

I know my wish is just a dream.
Alone, I can't do many things
but Lord, I long for hope to stay
I wish I had a pair of wings

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 3 months ago

I'll make a "criticism" first, then tell you why I liked it.

The refrain says "I wish I have a pair..." You are grammatically correct, you are in the present tense, but the common way of putting it is in the past tense. "I wish I had a pair..."
Just a suggestion.

The thing I liked best was the clarity. You did not sacrifice clarity for high language.

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Alid

I think I sent the changes in typos to you, the one Wesley says about have and putting had puts that part in correct context, I think I mentioned abut the too many ands in the odd Stanza all are easily sorted to make this a very good write.
Take care Yours, Ian

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 3 months ago

Ian

the trouble is I see the one you mention on syllable counts and then I'm not sure how to do the others. Hmmm. I'll take another look at the PM again.

Alid

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Alid

I will leave the rest up to you now just that Have /Had thing in your main line,
I wish I have or
I wish I had ,
That is the question lol.
Take care, Yours Ian..

Sparrow

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Alid

Love it, now it reads well and the theme is good so you have a great piece there.
One tiny typo S1 L4 comes true, the s needs to be dropped off of the come, as it makes the context incorrect lol.
Take care out there and hope you are coping with the changes in your life, Yours Ian

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 3 months ago

I see

I thought one dream so must put the "s" in "come". Thanks for pointing it out.

Alid

mand

mand

10 years 3 months ago

Beautiful Alid

An honest, heartfelt poem - one that I think many would relate to and appreciate. :)

Thank you for sharing your talent

Love to you

Mand xxx