judyanne

May 03, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

TITLES here we go

(Read More...)

Only on Loan ( titles WS)

My fingertips explore soft, silky strands
that loop in auburn curls, all tinged with gold,
and tangle, oh so gently, in my hands,
as if they never want let go their hold.

I stare in pure, adoring, dumb devotion,
believing, truly, heaven here has come,
while sinking into double depths of ocean
that seem to say, 'I'll never leave you Mum.'

Those locks will lose their velvet quality,
those dark blue eyes will turn a graver grey,
as Old Time flits his digits over me
and bring us to the day you'll go away.

Until then, while you're tiny, I will scheme;
make wishes on which we can build a dream.
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

alidzain

10 years 1 month ago

Judy

this poem is clearly about a mother's feelings towards her baby. How about "Mummy's Little One"?

Alid

Rula

10 years 1 month ago

A cool sonnet Judy

yes, a bit dark, but I like it for that touch.
"Angels Never Grow Old" is the first to come to my mind as soon as I finished reading.

raj

10 years 1 month ago

a nice "silky dream" spun

a nice "silky dream" spun skillfully ...liked the opening line establish the bond between mother and child

Regards,

China Blue

10 years 1 month ago

JudyAnne

first stanza last line insert to I think?
Pools of blue and Auburn curls

Sparrow

10 years 1 month ago

Judy

"No Other Love" would seem to fit the bill, for a child or someone that means so much, I am so late I have to make this short..
Take care,
Yours, Ian xx

alidzain

10 years 1 month ago

Here's another

''Cradling Love".

Alid

scribbler

10 years 1 month ago

Hi Judy

You just can't help assaulting me with sonnets can you? lol.I'm pretty sure I know what this is based on and that might give me an unfair advantage but here goes anyway.....how about " Unrealized"

scribbler

10 years 1 month ago

Hi Judy

double post

emeka ozurumba

10 years 1 month ago

perfect poem

those working in a hospital , recommend that this be read to every newborn, i work in a hospital , this poem is so benign and tenderly

judyanne

10 years 1 month ago

thank you everybody

This is a difficult one. I like your suggestions, but they still miss the mark for me.... I really am stuck here - can't think of a title that really suits... so still looking ( hint, hint ) lol

love judy
xxx