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May 08, 2015
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Dating Blues (May Contest)
Let me tell you the dating game can be tough
I know this is true because I had it rough
The first seemed decent to me
until I learnt she was once a 'he'
with the adam's apple clearly in sight
and a voice that gave me a fright!
Another was slim in cyberworld
and a body beautiful enough
and when I see her fats in real world
I can't run fast enough!
The third claimed to be shorter than me
and when we met, I wanted to cry
because she was a giant to me
and my confidence turned into a fly
I'm feeling traumatic and weary
I'm beat and looking sorry
for now, no more dating sites for me
they've shown me liars in reality
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Sparrow
10 years 2 months ago
Alid
That's better your sense of humour is showing through, always remember there is no scientific proof that life should be taken seriously..
I have heard of these man girls, good grief that would upset me for ever, lol. I think you will have to go out and meet real people and leave the computer for writing poetry, lol.
Take care, and I hope your health improves,
Yours Ian..
alidzain
10 years 2 months ago
Hello Ian
this is fictional, of course. I don't trust the internet to find a date for me even though my sisters have tried to convince me that it works. I need to stabilize my income before I even think of it. The things here aren't cheap and I still need to recover from my sickness. I need to find a new mentor for my malay poetry after my former mentor passed away recently. He's been like a second father to me and now he's gone. sigh. So you see, I just don't have time for dating, just for family and friends. I think I prefer girl-friends instead of a steady one right now.
Alid
Rula
10 years 2 months ago
I like this Khalid
it has the sense of humor mixed with the reality.
Best wishes in the contest.
alidzain
10 years 2 months ago
Salam, Rula
Thank you for the visit, the read and the comment.
Alid
scribbler
10 years 2 months ago
Hi Alid
I thank god every day that I've been out of the dating scene since before graduating High School lol. I can imagine me trying to date now lmao (that's what anybody I asked out would likely do). Much better humorous poem that your first.
BTW there's nothing wrong with writing something funny, one need not be serious all the time...........stan
alidzain
10 years 2 months ago
Stan
I'm glad you liked it. I know there's nothing wrong with writing funny poems but I'm quite bad at it so I tend to stay away from it. I was thinking of doing a limerick at first but I don't want to worry about the meter in a supposedly fun poem. Anyway, thanks for the visit, the read and the feedback.
Alid