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judyanne
judyanne
May 16, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

An Exploration of Style, Subject, and Critique

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Couch 2 - a sonnet (an exploration of style subject and critique WS)

Of all the seats invented, one persists.
'Twould be the one for which most all would vouch,
and say a greater comfort can't exist
than when one's resting on one's favourite couch.

With stays and cushions sprung in interplay,
a range of shapes to fit, so every station
could then recline and while away the day
in clever, contemplative conversation.

A travesty - we all did something dumb.
We placed a television set too near.
Invention spoilt the sofas' savvy hum,
and now potatoes sit on them, I hear.

With everything ignored, except the screen,
intelligence is now in quarantine.
.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

10 years 1 month ago

hello Judy

This is an enjoyable funny read. I can't fault the structure but in Stanza 1 line 4. "....resting on one's. ....."

I like the turning point (the volta) in line 9 as well as the couplet where most of the fun lie.
Hope others will come soon with more comments.

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 1 month ago

thank you Rula

I'm glad you enjoyed this
As for that verse... I think it works ok... I'll see if anyone else thinks it out....
Love judy
xxx

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 1 month ago

Here I be.

This is just plain fun.
The catalectics worked and did not distract from the rhythm, though they were quite noticeable to me.
Personally, I think the advent of the television completed a pair. One without the other is so 19th century.

Pugilist

Pugilist

10 years 1 month ago

This is a good read

I am having trouble with line 2:

"'Twould be the one for which most all would vouch,"

The syllable count and stress pattern is good, but I am having problems with the flow.

judyanne

judyanne

10 years ago

yes, I agree

'twould BE the ONE for WHICH MOST ALL would VOUCH
Or
'TWOULD be the ONE ...
-either way is off I know, but I'll claim poetic license since you did say off the cuff required... and I can't figure another way to say it atm
Thanks Jonathan
Love judy
xxx