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May 24, 2015
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Beaming Joy ( Exploration style, subject, critique WS)
Sun beams through crystal
a dioptrical rainbow
a marked refraction
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
10 years 1 month ago
what is your subject again Rula?
A lovely haiku.... but I don't pick your subject.... so I went back and see it is 'dish' .... sorry, but I don't picture one.... am I supposed to? Or am I missing something?
still, a very descriptive write
Love judy
xxx
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
I thought
Crystal is an indirect citation of the dish though I agree it could be a glass or anything else.
wesley snow
10 years 1 month ago
A prism.
I saw a candy bowl.
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
it is prisim
I wanted to create a joyful, colorful little piece.
Pugilist
10 years 1 month ago
I had to return to the list as well
While the inference was not directly clear, I can make the connection between the subject and the haiku.
My only concern was the last line, "fraction" just doesn't feel right. I would try to work "refraction" into the line.
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
thank you
Edits done.
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Salam, Rula
good one
Alid