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May 25, 2015
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Chair (Haiku) - Exploration of Style WS
I
stale smell of old books,
light divides the dark in two,
I wake from my work
II
sensation returns,
singing bursts from the garden:
your light rouses me.
III
otherworldly hum,
screech against the wooden floor,
something works upstairs.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Couldn't decide on one, so I posted three.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Pugilist
10 years 1 month ago
I like these
I believe the third one best meets the criteria.
William Saint George
10 years 1 month ago
Thanks Jonathan
I couldn't have done it without the first two.
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
William
I agree with Jon. The third one really describes a chair.
Alid
William Saint George
10 years 1 month ago
Thanks Alid
I never intended to describe a chair, but I guess the last one works.
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
I thought
the second one works too, but none of the three has a direct reference to a chair. Just my opinion.
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Salam, Rula
I have to disagree. You see when you drag a chair, there's the 'screeching' sound, hence the reference to a chair.
Alid
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
Salam Khalid
Like in my haiku, not so direct to the subject. Many things can cause that sound. Again, just what I thought.
William Saint George
10 years 1 month ago
It was deliberate, Rula
For some reason I've tried to avoid naming the subject or referencing it directly in any of the poems I submitted. Where I name the subject, I make it such that you'll only notice it if you're more interested in the question: Was the subject actually used in the poem?