Title. Skippyl (horror story draft) New edit.

Is creepy! You could try Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and some of the murders that Sherlock has solved?
Or try looking up murderers on the net, like I have on occasion. The "Bloody Benders" for instance. or maybe one of the Jack the Ripper's murders. There are plenty of them one the net. I am imagining that any title will do. Oolong Tea or some such thing. I think it should be entirely unrelated to the story. It will add to the mystery of ;What the hell is he thinking? I chose Oolong Tea, just because it was something that caught my eye as I was drinking my cup of tea. I like the way that his mind wanders from subject to subject. Disconnected thoughts with the main theme of KILLING!
The pattern and rhythm is unique and serves the poem well. Great beginning! ~ Gee

I love the disjointedness - gives emphasis (and maybe the lie) to the 'I'm not insane'...

Does it have to be literature murders? - there are enough, more than enough, examples of real-life killers.... Gary Ridgway, Ted Bundy, Timothy McVeigh... and don't forget the cannibalism ... Jeffery Dahmer, Albert Fish....

But if you really want literature... have you ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer? -there's a very charming and interesting murderer there in Adam, a Frankenstein take-off, that was very interested in the inner workings of the body.....

Then there's Batman's nemesis - The Joker... a psychopath with a very warped sadistic sense of humour. ...
Freddy Kruger, who kills his victims in their dreams....
Texas chainsaw massacrer's Leatherface....also a cannibal...

If you want 'high' literature murderers, there's always Macbeth, Don Juan, Mr Hyde....
Or not so 'high' - Professor Moriarty, Tom Ripley, Mrs Danvers (did she kill anyone?) Patrick Batman, or even Psycho himself - Norman Bates....

.... then, there's always Grendal's mum lol

As for a title -- 'I'm not insane' seems to fit...
Love judy
xxx

No wonder you seek help, I have asked some of my friends in white coats to attend to a certain horse whisperer before bothering to come to my door again.
So you have some bones there and a sadist to carry them, now we need to see more of where and who, where he is going and who he was or is.
At this moment, this is too cryptic to make proper sense.
"Contagion" would be a title but you will arrive there nearer completion, Yours, Ian..

This definitely tells a story, albeit eccentrically erratic, about a person experiencing some form of mental breakdown, I think???? Anyhow, great imagery, just needs fleshing out a bit to make it more appealingly provocative! Just my humble opinion!

First thing, it's not DW 40 it's WD 40. Stands for Water Displacing formula #40.
Then "but once you can perform" a bit twisted. Don't you mean you can but once perform?
Other than that I think you might have done well in mirroring the chopped and disconnected thoughts of a serial killer. I know, I'm a cereal killer (often 2 bowls a day) and sometimes my thoughts are disjointed like that lol. An occasional random stanza break could add emphasis to the broken chain of reasoning...........stan

Did you mean:-
DW40 Pressure wave switch, as your next line is Doorknob ???, That bit is OK but you need to be in the right club to become a serial killer LOL

I am not getting where this is a horror story in poetic form it is a narrative of events but nothing to frighten people about how they may be involved, it seems to be just about the singular person, let him/her escape into the world and wreak havoc.
Door thing fits though,
Yours reading bits, Ian

And love the title

But do wonder about the storyline
it seems to still be a list of murders and an insight into the killers psyche
but do I see the four compnents of storytelling? ... not sure as I'm no expert.... can you tell me?

Also, although there are a lot of half descripts of the killings,, I personally don't feel any sense of horror as I read - more fascination.... maybe today's exposure to these things has made me numb to suggested violence...

love judy
xxx

I know this is workshop material

But I had to poke my eyes in and have a read

what I read totally impressed me

Great poem my friend you just, get bettera and bettera lol

Big smile lovely to read you

Love Jayne x

This piece is the mind of the mad man, his action but I felt that its a little too cryptic to be a horror poem. the disjointment in the words really described the insanity. Judy has given some good suggestion there.
He seems to think murder as an art - ,
''I’ve done this whole thing just all wrong.
Where’s the beauty, where’s the song?''

How about making him as someone like a rejected artist who is trying to prove his worth in his twisted mind?

Alid

I am getting a Poe type feeling from this. The drug induced stupor mixed with erratic thoughts and actions. Would love to see a story, a face or a name to put with this gentleman.

if you have him having psychotic-episodes from this high fever that he has? He could have some exotic kind of disease that is very rare and comes and goes, like malaria does. When he has these
periods of breakdown, is when the disease is in full bloom. He could be a psychologist or psychiatric-doctor that caught it from a patient of his. Maybe someone who has spent time in New Guinea? I think that is where a certain tribe eats the brains of their dead and sometimes get this brain disease. Just thinking. ~ Gee

This reads almost like a riddle. Probably only me.
However I liked the repetition of " mind you I am not insane"