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S
scribbler
Oct 28, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

READY, AIM.........

Let loose the red eyed horses
to pull the rattling hearse
for the battle just begun
is destined to grow worse.

And loose the hounds of hatred
to demonize the wretched foe
so death can be dealt sans hesitation
in fields where blood shall flow.

Beat the rage into cold steel
to replace gentleness within your chest
for killing must now become easy
while on this unforgiving quest.

Lastly, don the cloak of righteousness;
convince yourself that you are right
just as the foe has also done
whose lust for war also burns bright.

Then finally loose the deep berserk
wield death and carnage in your hand
while delivering the just revenge
to that far off land.......

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

9 years 8 months ago

Ready, aim...

right on the money with the story! I liked it much, but there are a few places where you could change or leave out a word and still keep the meaning, and smooth out the rhythm. ~ Gee

S

scribbler

9 years 8 months ago

Hi Gee

Imagine the rhythm being off in something I wrote lol. I'll return to this at some point and see if I call bulldoze some of the bumps. Thanks for the visit........stan

wesley snow

wesley snow

9 years 8 months ago

A little...

"put on the whole armor of God...".
Different for you. Better. Variety is good. Wish I could write something other than my BAP. Ah well, the workshop will force me to.

S

scribbler

9 years 8 months ago

I DO

try different themes at times lol. Have you considered that shorter branches could be written on your BAP?

S

scribbler

9 years 8 months ago

You have

so many it takes 2 posts to announce them lol. Double posts are a pain aren't they? Should you want practice with a very short form which isn't Japanese you might try Rhyku...........stan

judyanne

judyanne

9 years 8 months ago

hi Stan

Here I am - MM
Love the write - theme and presentation very strong .... but.... lol
meter needs attention (suprise)

Love judy
xxx

S

scribbler

9 years 8 months ago

Hi Judy

I guess with your return I'll have to start paying more attention to rhythm lol. Good to see you back and picking at me ...........stan

wesley snow

wesley snow

9 years 8 months ago

Yes Judy,

It's good to have you back. Never leave again. You are needed.