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Jan 06, 2016
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steel blue skies
inside
with warm
heat, the oak leaves
seem sparkly
gold, but outside
in the chilled air,
they appear
more amber brown
against
the steel
blue skies. it must be
mother nature's
prismatic gift
to present
iridescent colors
to restless human eyes,
the same leaves drifting
among
the scarlet maple
tree fronds,
which
from inside
look black
as blood.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: i am happy and excited to be here. i am excited, too, to read other poets.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
wesley snow
9 years 10 months ago
Welcome to NeoPoet.
Please take your time and look around. See all that is going on. NeoPoet is a workshop environment. Everyone here has one purpose in mine: to improve their poetry and the poets around them. If you're interested in improvement you have found the appropriate location.
Welcome.
About your poem. I don't much care for verso libre, but your language use is sound and the imagery comes across.
Have you ever considered writing a structured poem? Such as a sonnet?
I will be holding a three part workshop soon on three different classical forms. All of them small.
You might find it enlightening if you have little experience with structured poetry.
I hope to see you there.
In the meantime, please read other poems and offer your thoughts. We have a saying here that you should take to heart. "Do not comment. Critique. NeoPoet is a workshop environment."
Again welcome.
Geezer
9 years 10 months ago
Very descriptive...
writing, but I just didn't feel the ending. I think that you could have told more of the story. I agree with Wes. If you are looking to improve your writing and want to help others improve, join some of the workshops offered here. We are always glad to help and be helped. I see much promise in your writing and hope that you will stay and become the writer that I know you will be! Welcome to Neo. and see you at some of the workshops! ~ Geezer
Geezer
9 years 10 months ago
Very descriptive...
writing, but I just didn't feel the ending. I think that you could have told more of the story. I agree with Wes. If you are looking to improve your writing and want to help others improve, join some of the workshops offered here. We are always glad to help and be helped. I see much promise in your writing and hope that you will stay and become the writer that I know you will be! Welcome to Neo. and see you at some of the workshops! ~ Geezer
Vicki
9 years 9 months ago
Thanks, you guys. I am brand
Thanks, you guys. I am brand-new here and still trying to navigate. I THINK this will respond to your comments? That's how New i am. :) Yes, I will be traversing through here more and more, reading others and joining workshops. This poem is one of hundreds I have already written. A randomly-chosen one. Thank you again for your comments.
wesley snow
9 years 9 months ago
Yes, your comment came through.
Sometimes writing on an online poetry site can be complicated, but once you've had a little practice you'll find ours is well put together and quite simple.
Just start pushing buttons and see what you get.
Who knows we both might figure out how to get into the chat room.
Most of all... read and "critique". Don't just comment. Tell them what you really think of the poem. It's structure, it's emotion, it's language use... what ever comes to mind.
And post more poetry for us to enjoy.
Barbara Writes
9 years 9 months ago
Hi again Vicki
Nice poem. You have inborn talent for poetry writing. You are sure to enjoy our many beneficial workshop