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Jan 08, 2016
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Shades
I wear my shades, even when I am inside,
Conceaing all my hate, and all my anger that I hide,
If I took em off and you looked into my eyes,
In the reflection all you’d see is everything that I despise.
Blinders to the fools who acting wise, cut all ties from them tools, who refuse stop the lies.
You’ll never hear me whine , a single tear I will not cry,
Rock the shades on my face, every day until I die,
Put a smile on my face, tell the world I’m feeling fine.
I don’t drop dimes, I Just do lines, that motivate to spit these ryhmes.
Holdin a corona with a lime, or in the cold drinkin a stein,
In the progress of a crime, slidin in yo mamas thighs
Poundin some of jesus wine, even runnin from the swine,
I’ll always rock my shades, anywhere, any time.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: New to all this, no idea where I stand just looking for some honest opinion and criticism because I don't know the criteria poetry is judged on and couldn't tell you good poetry from bad poetry.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
9 years 9 months ago
Hello!
Welcome to Neopoet. Always good to see a fellow rhymer show up. If you have any questions about site just ask me or any other member. We're all here to help one another. BTW enjoyed the poem........stan
Geezer
9 years 9 months ago
It's hard...
to critique something like this, because one cannot judge the cadence or rhythm of it as a spoken work. However, I did like the poem and maybe after reading a few more, [I do hope that there will be more] of your poems here, I will be better able to tell you more about what you might do. There are no fast and hard rules to poetry, unless you are participating in a specific form. Then you should abide by the rules of that form. I see that you rhyme well and I am a rhymer. I look forward to seeing more. ~ Geezer
wesley snow
9 years 9 months ago
Welcome to NeoPoet.
Liked the subject and the rhyme scheme, but I would have liked to see a more consistent meter to the whole piece. I would have to call it free verse for now, but you mentioned you wanted to learn more about how poetry is made. You are in the right place.
Click on the "workshop" tab and select the "syllabus" on "Three Classic Forms" and check out the workshop. We haven't actually started, so you have plenty of time to get there and do some reading in the thread.
If you have any questions, ask us right here.
This whole site is a workshop environment so get ready to learn.
Barbara Writes
9 years 9 months ago
Nice
Enjoyed the imagery.
Barbara Writes
9 years 9 months ago
Nice
Enjoyed the imagery.