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eightmenout
Jan 23, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Search for Innocence

I lost something in those pubic years,
although I would never know what.
It seemed important at the time
and left a hollow deep inside of me.

The years had past me by and by.
I forgot I was even looking.
Yet the dark feeling loomed about
'til obvious punched me in the jaw.

What was lost could never be found.
It died somewhere around age thirteen
behind an imaginary line
that you were never suppose to cross.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Henry Rollins, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

9 years 5 months ago

Hello Scott

this is absolutely an eloquent writing. I believe many can relate to it in a way or another.
I especially like the last stanza.

Last line, last stanza, did you want "were never suppose[d] to cross? or maybe I have missed something.

E

eightmenout

9 years 5 months ago

Dearest Rula

Thank you for the kind words and stopping by. I will review the last line but I think I have it the way I want it.

alidzain

alidzain

9 years 5 months ago

Scot

I agree with Rula. This is a good one Well done.

Alid

E

eightmenout

9 years 5 months ago

Alid

Thank you, sir. Appreciate you stopping by.

alidzain

alidzain

9 years 5 months ago

Scot

Don't need to be formal, buddy. Just call me "Alid" will do.

Alid

Esker

Esker

9 years 5 months ago

crossing the line....

ah....I know
the magnetron that Kurt cobain sang
about
the fire that cash droned about
let go of thy principals
and golden ideals
and see what life
shall steal
and make you want
and a realist
more then the
wicked realist!

excellent poem
thank U

mr wolf!