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Feb 08, 2016
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Free
The chains of mortality
breaking,
falling apart.
One last breath
and the soul loses its skin,
spreading its wings
to soar across the endless sky.
Free
from worldly pains,
the troubles stalking the living
and the long wait
for them to end.
The spirit is dancing
laughing in joyous harmony,
continuing its journey
to another realm of beauty,
unknown to many
who are still earth-bound.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
9 years 5 months ago
Salam Khalid
This is really awesome. I love the touch of imagination there.
alidzain
9 years 5 months ago
Salam, Rula
Thanks for the read, visit and comment. I was thinking how a martyr would feel in his spirit form, thus this words came to mind.
Alid
Seren
9 years 5 months ago
Alid
I guess we all have different visions of the afterlife ... I've always thought of a martyr as sitting to the right hand of god surrounded by a corona, as bright as the suns.
Mmmm maybe a poem there ... Lights on
Thanks for the inspiration my friend you just may have given me an idea !! Ill let you know ;)
Love Jayne
alidzain
9 years 5 months ago
Dearest Jayne
I'm honored to have you take a peek into my work, my friend. You're right. We have different perspectives of afterlife. If this piece inspire you to write another poem then I feel blessed. First I manage to inspire you, I think.
Love you always,
Alid