Shyanne18

Mar 22, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Call Girl

Another story and this is how it goes...

I'm a stranger in a strange land
I feel a million miles away not recognizing my own hand.

My hell is not...sin,
Darkness, or air so thin

Wandering this place
Without a memorable face.

No horizon to head for
Always feeling like a fucking, whore.

Dealing with all the damn lies.
May be time to cut ties...

I don't need this knife in my back
I have time to keep track.

Everyone tries to stop me,
These days you fight to be free....

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I use to be a phone sex operator this is how I felt. I was a call girl hence the title.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Omaha NE, USA

Favorite Poets: Too many to list. All from Frost, Thoreau, and Dickenson, Bukowski, and William Blake let me see the world in a grain of sand. The poem that inspired me to write poetry is In Flanders Field.

Comments

alidzain

9 years 3 months ago

Hi there!

just curious. Why you entitled this "Call Girl"? Is this about seeking for freedom? That last line makes me wonder. Anyway, this is a good write.

Alid

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

I was a phone sex operator and this is how it made me feel.

I wasn't going to say bUT so many have asked

lovedly

9 years 3 months ago

but is this an invitation

I still wonder
as u reply
no, never

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

I don't understand?

What do you mean?

lovedly

9 years 3 months ago

i did not know u were a guy

it appeared as though
a call was about to lie
maybe now as you say
a Gemini be, you may

raj

9 years 3 months ago

The choice of words, rhyme

The choice of words, rhyme sequence in these two lined verses vividly emote the experience of infliction...

Regards,

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

You're very sweet

Thank you raj

Geezer

9 years 3 months ago

Not sure...

what to think about the title. I'm not sure how you meant it. I think that you mean that you just do what is expected so that you haven't any conflict. I do believe that you would like to break away but can't figure out how without having to fight. At the end, you finally figure out that you may have to fight to get what you want and seem willing to do it! ~ Geezer.

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

I was a call Girl of sorts

It made me feel trapped in life

eightmenout

9 years 3 months ago

Shy

Great hook to draw the reader in. But then S2 is cliche. If I was not familiar with some of your work, I probably have stopped at that point.

The poem itself is genuine and has a lot to say. I myself don't have an issue with the title. I find it appropriate. If I may, the meter in L12 and L13 could use some fine tuning.

Thanks for posting.

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

I am no longer editing

Thank you for your thoughts

eightmenout

9 years 3 months ago

Perhaps you should change

Perhaps you should change your status of the submission, then. I could have used the time on works that were searching for critique.

Thanks

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

Sorry I thought this was a

Sorry I thought this was a place to share you don't have to read what I write. If its a waste of time. No worries don't waste time on me eight.

Esker

9 years 3 months ago

run past the End Street sign!

just got out of the psych (again) C.C. crises center...I shoved myself hard
losing pretty much of the good of my life that I hadn't dealt with fairly..
funny..I remember eating from dumpsters and living with my peoples..some
harder then I...some softer...always getting kicked out...run off meds...shoving
the system..from a teen to fifty one....I relate to the poem..the angst..the polish
of it because it is polished in that it has an introduction..a middle..and a conclusion.
I thought with all my years in and under the belt....notches of experience I could
handle lah lah land...but lah lah land handled me and its a huge assed place..
bigger then me..(first time admitting I turned about and am back in town...metaphorically
speaking) ... the knife in the back..good line...kick in the ass...I even had stones
thrown at me...dropped on the edge of town....dont go into much here about that...
..I knew people from all across the board...top to the bottom...how I survived....not
by belonging..but by association and figuring things out...some things...
I like the raw and emotive works....because thats what I become at times..
Relating to the poetry here is one thing....responding is a learning curve..
I like horizons...
I can feel one in this work
like I love the mirages on our lakes in the right weather..

thank U!

Shyanne18

9 years 3 months ago

No thank you

I do not right for myself all I ever want is to let people like me know... You are not alone. Never alone Esker.

Esker

9 years 3 months ago

the ramparts..

Held my wall....for years...the ego barrier....i'm comfortable now..
walking down in the village..the market..the gathering places
meeting others now..I did this years ago and hid in coping realms...
re emerging again..so much better.....Its nice not being alone
and thank U for that reminder..Its what I need as I become more
open with the writing and in real time here..

thank U!