Pixee

Jan 25, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

My Shattered Dreams

My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me,
Terrified night.
In desolation, I am left
Soaked in water from head
To toe. My heart etched in
Retention anguish, a tormented
Soul on the loose. Formation of
Age. My torture never ceases.,
Bidding begun. My soul cries for relief.
There is. . . .
No relief for shattered dreams.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Comments

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hello Yenti

I am so glad you to hear from you. i thank you for critiquing
my poem. Coming from you means a lot ,you have a lot
of experience in critiquing than I. It is great to hear from
you. Read you later.
Friends,
Pixee

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hello Lonnie

I am glad to hear that you liked my poetry and that it put
out the message I wanted it to. I thank you for taking
time to critique my poem. Read you later.
Friends,
Pixee

mand

14 years 5 months ago

Hi Pixee

You truly are a word smith. I love the expressions you use. As Lonnie said dark and delicious.

My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me, Wonderful

Love Mand xxxxx

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hey Mand

I thank you for critiquing my poem. I put myself into
all I write. They are an extetion of my sadness, and
depression I live every day. Thank yoy Man. Read
you later.

Friends,

Pixee

raj

14 years 5 months ago

Hi Pixee..

this is the first time i am reading your poem and what i read is very expressive of a torment..mysterious though it is about what was the dream about which was shattered...

warmly...

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hey raj

I thank you for reading my poem for the first time.
I am glad that it didn't let you down. I let my pen
write at will. My mind racing and my pen follows.
I hope to be apart of neopoet for many years to
come. Thank you again. Read you later.

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

To All

I hope to write poems that are touching to as many
if not all the poets on neopoet. I am proud to be
here with all of you!

Pixee

Roscoe Lane

14 years 5 months ago

I say welcome,

I say welcome, you and your poems will be a great addition to neopoet. Regards Roscoe. Sorry, and your poem is great.

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hello Roscoe

I am happy you enjoyed my poem. I will try to
keep up the good work. Thank you for responding.

Pixee

Kailashana2

14 years 5 months ago

Pixie, lots of good stuff in

Pixie, lots of good stuff in your poem. Especially the lines quoted by others.

Since *shattered dreams* is in the title, the first line and the ending line, I think it loses its effectiveness. Would you consider "there is none." as the last line?

"Bidding begun. My soul cries for relief.
There is. . . .
None."

Imo, that solidifies, like a dead weight.

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hello K

I hank you for commenting on my poem. It
means a lot to have you do so. You write
wonderfully yourself. I read them but I don't
comment on them like I should. I will do
better this year. Thank you again.

Your Friend,

Pixee

ziggy

14 years 5 months ago

hi there

hi there having read your poem title I had to come and read
I like you style and the darkness that's there
"My shattered dreams
With scolded folds,
Conecrate inside me,
Terrified night. " ,,,,good one I like it ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Thank you Ziggy

I am glad you liked it. It is always a privilage
to have you comment on my poems. It helps me
to be a better writer. I was hoping this one would
get a good response. I am glad that I have gotten
some poets to comment on my poem. Thank
you again. Read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

weirdelf

14 years 5 months ago

I see you are "not actively editing"

but conecrate is not a word. As Ian suggested, concentrate? or consecrate would be quite delicious.

I also thought Anna's suggestion was excellent.

Also I feel the section

Formation of
Age. My torture never ceases.,
Bidding begun.

reads like a list, spoiling the flow.

Otherwise I thoroughly enjoyed this, excellent imagery and effective use of enjambment.

Got to say your replies to comments read a bit like a template. Are you really listening? I hope you are well,

Pixee

14 years 5 months ago

Hello Wierelf

Nice to hear from you. I appriciate your critiquiing my poem.
It is always a priviallege to have some one like you to comment
my poem. I will read over it and work on it . And resumit it.. And
See what you think of it then. Thank you for you time. Read you later.

Friends,,

Pixee