scribbler

Apr 26, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

UNWANTED BIRD

The past few years I've come to see,
first high up and far away,
a lone crow circling over me.
I glimpse him at least every day.

As time goes by he becomes nearer
and his caws become imperative.
I think his motive is now clearer
he's waiting till I cease to live.

So SHOO! old crow don't shadow me!
or at least don't fly so close.
There too much more I want to be
before it is my time to go.

But until then I'll just keep on
and try to avoid some lethal hazard
and recall each coming dawn
better a crow than circling buzzard

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Sparrow

9 years 2 months ago

Stan

I loved this one, it brings back the old beliefs we held way back, they were that if a crow was seen on a house for three days there was going to be a death there.
Strange as it may seem when I was here in Leicester and worked in the city I had to catch a bus each day, opposite the bus stop one week for three days a crow was on the bungalow opposite, A few weeks later I asked of the people there to a person that also took the bus and they said that one of the people had died there that week so how true is this old saying and have you the same sort of folk lore??
Hope all is well with you and the crow has gone lol,
Yours as always Ian..

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Ian

Sometimes the crow seems a lot closer than others lol. Appreciate the visit.......stan

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

I like this one Stan

Though serious must be the message to the crow, it isn't without a sense of humor.
Enjoyable as always.

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Rula

Better to have a crow hovering that a buzzard I guess lol. Always nice to see you've come by......stan

brittle light

9 years 2 months ago

Stan

you have penned (inadvertently?) a pretty cool aphorism: " better to have a crow hovering than a buzzard!"
That now will forever feel like part of the poem to me.

As to the poem itself:
thematically, great
execution, good
length, excellent

regards,

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

LOL

Got 2 birds. One wants the flesh and the other awaits the soul........Do you think it would improve the poem to include this?

brittle light

9 years 2 months ago

definitely!

definitely!
of course, you'll have to do the work....I just judge (lol)

I like the theme, just think it could use a little drama
buzzards are icons of direness/death (flesh snatchers)
crows have a certain mystery/mystique about them (soul catchers)

good luck

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

Hi

I value your opinion and will see what I can do about expanding this a bit. Might take a while because things are very hectic with me right now.......stan