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lovedly
lovedly
May 09, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

her popa's love

A pops love
for his wife
of those years
gone passed aside
when simplistic love
alone did only reside

there were few divorces
on the screen

marriage was
love and compromise
mainly

how really sad.....
now it is not like that

be happy
you had a dad
like he.....
and follow him
will thee

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

judyanne

9 years 1 month ago

the first two stanzas

are good, they begin something, but then after
'now sad.....
it is not like that'
is waffle, that third stanza is confused, almost not making sense...
you need a stronger finish. ..
love judy
xxx

S

scribbler

9 years 1 month ago

Hi loved

The good old days when love was meant to be for ever. This poem has too good a beginning and premise to just trail off as it does. You can finish more strongly with a bit of effort and wind up with wonderful instead of just OK.........stan

lovedly

lovedly

9 years 1 month ago

thanks Stan shall try

but whenever I try
to mend broken chips
I flounder

still give a slice
of bread
to try again
morsel's worth t!

judyanne

judyanne

9 years 1 month ago

try removing

when lived dear dad
must be passed at least seventy
but a lovely wife he must have had
all devoted to his loving memory
as was then he

and then see if you feel anything more is needed ...
Just a suggestion...
Love judy
xxx

lovedly

lovedly

9 years 1 month ago

thy word

is my command for me
I obey judy
you fly high above me
and forever shall
as my wings are clipped
tis sad!

judyanne

judyanne

9 years 1 month ago

do you like it better?

You shouldn't follow my suggestions like a sheep, you need to be understanding the 'why'.... can you see a difference, and do you like it, or not? And why?
xxx