Rula

May 15, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Remember, I Remember

I remember , I remember
the place where I was born,
the essence of the holy heaven
embraced to bless my home.
The darker nights there ripened to
a brighter rainbow days,
to paint upon the worn out walls
a candy- polished glaze.

I remember , I remember
how then I hung around
the Arabian Oud’s smoldering
with the best scents around;
so glorious was the essence then
and lingers e'er after,
maintaining happy memories
and a much delicious laughter.

I remember, I remember
that peace had nestled where
I lived, not long before the wars
had filled with death the air.
No roses in the wild grow now;
just grass and some windflowers
are watered there with martyrs' blood
which now and then form showers.

I remember, I remember
the dreams I drew with wings.
I used to think they’d all come true
and blossom as does Spring.
That showed my childhood’s ignorance,
and now they are a burl;
it's harder to recall them than
when I was just a girl.

Inspired by Thomas Hood's "I remember, I remember"
Here, please enjoy
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44387

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

Roscoe Lane

9 years 2 months ago

Excellent,

Excellent, really beautiful and sad, true emotion from your great poetry. Love Roscoe...

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Rosco

thank you. This is a compliment that I really appreciate.

Sparrow

9 years 2 months ago

Rula

Beautifully written and a lot of nostalgia gained from memories sharpness..
Take care young Lady and look after you,
Yours Ian..x

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Thank you

dear Ian for your supporting words. Highly appreciate your kind visit.

jane210660

9 years 2 months ago

Beautiful. Jx

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Thank you

dear Jane.

brittle light

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Rula

This has a special feel about it...touching, and graceful

may I suggest one thing...2nd stanza, 4th line "where the best scents are found"
or "where the best scents abound"
to avoid "around" being repeated so close together.
I'm sure there are other ways to do it, just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

I'm sure you will find a way to work it out...or leave as it is (I'm not THAT fussy)

just me,

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Al

Many thanks for your lovely words.
I have to say I didn't like the repetition either but I need to think about the alternative. Your suggestions are under study for the soonest .
Appreciate it highly.

Keith Logan

9 years 2 months ago

Bravo

What a wonderful gift memory can be. This oozes both beauty and profundity. Only one potential nit, second verse, last line the "a" may be redundant.

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Mr. Logan

so kind of you. I'll look into that 'a' thing in my final edits.
Always grateful for a thoughtful feedback.
Thanks.

raj

9 years 2 months ago

very nice ring to this poem

very nice ring to this poem Rula as well as innocence of youth is felt...

perhaps you forgot to add "in" here

had filled with death[in] the air.

of course it could be because of that meter thing or some such thing about which I know precious little or nothing...

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

dear Raj

You always come to say kind things that would encourage me and motivate my appetite for writing.
Your suggestion is spot on and will be taken seriously.
Much appreciation.

judyanne

9 years 2 months ago

i really like this Rula

Only one thing jarred for me - the use of the word 'scents' in the second stanza
I think 'perfume' sounds more poetic, and the meter fits better imo

Love judy
xxx

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Judy

Always great to hear from you. Between 'scents' and 'perfume' I feel a bit lost (I think Ian mentioned this once for me). Always great to get an expert free of charge consultation :)

Thank you dear

Sparrow

9 years 2 months ago

Rula

Quite right young Lady, A what I call a weed word, Perfume has a lovey aroma, scent is what a bloodhound follows, lol.
Take care out there love you all, Yours Ian..x