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brittle light
brittle light
May 19, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Street Lamp Lean

neon,
splashing rainbows over
the slow motion silence of a veiling fog

the muffled thump of a car door
footsteps,
a woman, fading away

a distant dog howls

the infernal damp,
creeping lowdown and mean,
lapping mist from oil slicked puddles

a harbor horn bellowing in fear,
buoys clang,
blinded hope, sinking

seabirds scatter

About This Poem

Last Few Words: read top to bottom, then bottom to top. The logic is not affected... because there is none....I do like some of the images though!

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

judyanne

9 years 2 months ago

love the imagery Al

Do you need the last line?
(Just me *big smile*)
I like it better without.... the beginning word implies the city, and the repeating of the concept seems too obvious.... I'm not explaining myself very clearly I know....

Love judy
xxx

brittle light

brittle light

9 years 2 months ago

I understand very well...

I understand very well...
the art of poetry is, in the end, what is left out!

which words left to be, or not to be; that is the question
in this case, I concur.

the word 'city' in itself does not elicit the the feeling of exasperation,befuddlement, resignation, and the shaking of the narrator's head as he utters it; which is how I heard it in my head....so It goes

I appreciate your ears, and eyes...all your senses on these matters.

sincerly,

S

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

hi Alid

Shutter snapped images which allow readers to fill in the blanks is not always a bad thing lol.......stan

brittle light

brittle light

9 years 2 months ago

Hi stan

I typically like poems that do the snapped image thing...I tend to think mine feel like just fragments, an unfinished poem, when done.

it's hard to be 'Objective' (if that's even possible) concerning one's own work.
but if I like the imagery enough I post them anyway.

thanks for coming by and reassuring me!

p.s.
your Auto-fill jumped the gun again