From A Slice Of Bread

A slice of bread
that I split and shared,
fills me with delight
for I gained a new friend
when offered
as a gift
from the heart.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Rula

9 years 1 month ago

Few understand

The delight of sharing things with others. I believe you really do and it shows well through your words brother.
Simple but v. true!

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

Salam, Rula

Thanks for the visit, the read and the comment.

Alid

brittle light

9 years 1 month ago

Hi, Alid

a slice of bread,
split and shared,
filled me with delight,
as I gained a new friend

I couldn't help myself...the idea of the poem grabbed me.
but it felt it a little wordy,
you shared, and were delighted...why did it have to be 'turned' into a gift of the heart...it already was

I hope I haven't disrespected any boundaries by re-writing YOUR poem.
I thought it easier this way than trying to explain how I saw it.

these are, obviously just suggestions, for your contemplation.

sincerely,

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

Hi Al

Good critic. I don't feel disrespected.
The reason why I put that verse is because not everyone give from the heart or should I say sincerely. Some people they wanted recognition in return. I've met with this type of people before.and they keep thinking they give so much and get little in return. These people help others but they are NOT happy people, I tell ya. lol.

Thanks for the read and critic. I'll think about it.

Alid

brittle light

9 years 1 month ago

then, how about "when

then, how about "when 'offered' as a gift from the heart"
You know best how to write and edit your poems.
I'll still love this piece whatever you decide to do