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Jun 10, 2016
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A Smile
Speak not to me of beauty,
of lips an angel blessed;
speak not of figure trim and neat
nor heaving of a breast.
A pretty face may eyes attract,
demand a second glance;
a smiling face will touch the soul
and cause the heart to dance.
An open smile of innocence,
of friendliness to all;
is better than the poets’ gush
of beauties that enthral.
A treasure of the highest price,
it's well beyond our ken;
when first a smile is given you
just smile right back again.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
jane210660
9 years 1 month ago
Lovely
Great poem, great flow and especially great sentiment. jx
judyanne
9 years 1 month ago
very nice
Alternate suggestion for the last line
'just give it back again'....
Made me smile
thanks Keith
love judy
xxx
Esker
9 years 1 month ago
like the flow of this and punctuation
the more convention constructs are to be
read aloud! and this one I can feel
lively and with much hope and
instruct!
a daring go ahead expression
I shall smile more
to the present contacts!
who befit me with kindness
the fair lasses!
thank U!
weirdelf
9 years 1 month ago
Your wordscraftsmanship is brilliant,
Always a pleasure to read your work.
The ending felt a bit trite. I like Judy's suggestion. I would like it even better if it didn't go into the second person. My automatic reaction to any second person suggestion or command, no matter how good, is "You're not the boss of me, fuck off!"
Keith Logan
9 years 1 month ago
Jess, how about
A treasure of the highest price,
it's well beyond our ken;
when first a smile is given me
I smile right back again.
weirdelf
9 years 1 month ago
perfect.
thanks for listening.
Tell me, do you actually agree with me or am I reacting like an adolescent 58 year old?
Keith Logan
9 years 1 month ago
Simply speaking
Yes, I do agree. It's an old poem. One of many I am not satisfied with as they stand and so I'm trying to review them as best I can, occasionally sharing as in this case. I don't like being preached at either, a failing of some early efforts.
Geezer
9 years 1 month ago
I found...
myself smiling! ~ Gee
Keith Logan
9 years ago
I found myself smiling
I hope you didn't have to look too long to find yourself. I only misplace my mind, a habit I picked up along with advancing years.
China Blue
9 years 1 month ago
Keith
Even in just reading your poem you have managed to make myself and others smile
very pleasant reading this work. Yes a snmile is always nice to see
Keith Logan
9 years ago
It is hardly an original notion
A show from the 1920s came up with a song that says
"Though you may wear the best
you're never fully dressed
without a smile--
Smile darn you smile."
I can't argue with a good show tune.