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Zombies in Onesies
Toddlers' walking is hell unleashed
lurching and swaying with arms outreached
like zombies in a deathless quest
to feed upon a living breast.
Tumbling, stumbling, rising again,
they cannot be restrained.
Crawling or scooting if they must,
driven by insatiable lust.
The smell of one as it draws near
sweeps your soul with dreadful fear.
Breath of death from puke and drool,
noxious fumes from frightful stools.
When darkness falls and all is still
you close your eyes and rest, until
banshee cries renew the dread --
another Night of the Living Dead.
Amid the retching and the heaving
your mind considers swiftly leaving.
But their magic spell bids you stay
And be their prey another day.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just a fun little ditty inspired by every 3-year old in the world. Too dark?
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
8 years 10 months ago
a fun write Mike
But (lol) perhaps a woman's perspective is different to a man's
..... Except for the aversion to the noxious stools bit .... oh and maybe the drool.... oh and when they're sick..... oh never mind...
A couple of tiny nits imo only I stress....
Toddlers walking is hell unleashed ... grammar
- toddler walking is hell unleashed
or - toddlers' walking is....
or toddler's walking is...
The smell as they draw near .... a tad short to my ear
.? The smell of one as it draws near. ...
But their magic spell bids you stay .... a tad long - maybe drop 'spell'
Enjoyed
love judy
xxx
DiPrima
8 years 10 months ago
Hi,Judy
Thanks for catching the grammar goof. Think I'll go with the plural -- Toddlers'. Also agree with "the smell of one as it draws near". Much better flow. The "magic spell" line is a bit troublesome with and without "spell". I'll have to think about that. Thanks again. Your comments are very constructive.
Cheers ... Mike
Roscoe Lane
8 years 10 months ago
Loved this,
Loved this, brought back some beautiful ( horrible ) memories. Love Roscoe...