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Pumba
Pumba
Sep 27, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Intelligence Decimated

There are those who should refrain
after inheriting a brain
from their blind inane beliefs
of god, witchdoctors and spirit thieves
blinded by the tales
of a man held up by nails
their version of good and badness
evokes a sickening sadness

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Portugal

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

More from this author

Comments

Sparrow

Sparrow

8 years 9 months ago

Pumba

Firstly welcome to Neopoet site and I hope you will have a great learning time here..
Your first piece seems to take apart all the beliefs but in doing so there must be something left, there are no voids in beliefs.. Have a great time here and I look forward to your next piece, and I hope it has a better theme.
I think you are our first from Portugal just spread the word on your Face Book,
Yours Ian..

Pumba

Pumba

8 years 9 months ago

I have to ask, Sparrow,

What is wrong with the theme?
I think it is pretty clear that I am attacking faith. Why does something have to replace it? Surely not another faith.

Sparrow

Sparrow

8 years 9 months ago

Pumba

Many poets will say that the theme has been thrashed to death. There are loads of people that will echo your words and to me that is the problem, Echoes.
Nothing to do with he quality of your work a the rest of the critique says..
I look forward to reading more of your works,
Yours Ian.T

Geezer

Geezer

8 years 9 months ago

I like everything...

about this poem. As W.E. says; it has everything a good poem needs. As to the question of trashing faith? Everyone believes in something. Even if it is not believing, as in: "I don't believe in anything. "I have faith, that there is nothing to have faith in". No problem here. We won't know until we have passed from this world, if there is anything beyond. At least, I haven't had anyone come back to tell me about it. Hope that you enjoy being here at Neo. Nothing to fear here, we are pretty well accustomed to just about any belief espoused. You just keep on writing whatever strikes your fancy. I guarantee that no one will chastise you for what you write about. [Well, maybe some might... but it will never be a persecution.] We accept all good poetry! ~ Geezer.

Sparrow

Sparrow

8 years 9 months ago

Jess

A good end to that would be, "And Spirit Thieves" Indicating those that destroy by miss representation the Spirit of Man..
Just a thought Young Man!!
Yours as always, Ian.

Sparrow

Sparrow

8 years 9 months ago

Pumba

Thank you for the insertion of the Spirit Thieves, as Jess said the North American Indian Chiefs are leaders and not usually religious people, they as in most older civilisations have Spiritual leaders, looking into the beliefs of these people would give you another facet in life.
Take care young one,
Yours Ian..

Keith Logan

Keith Logan

8 years 9 months ago

Or possibly

from their blind, inane belief
in god, witch-doctor or spirit thief.
Oh, by the way, welcome, draw up a chair and enjoy this friendly company.

Esker

Esker

8 years 9 months ago

well Im not a chief...but I am native

chieftans..scots had em...irish..african warring countries
poor old rhwanda...and the pesky Swiss!
and I do believe in God and Jesus..however this is
not a revival meeting...No conversion needed
I saw a few turned away by their faith by being shunned
no fault of their own or the human leaders corrupt or
worse...many charltans abound....Self faith is good!
this is a good poem..Not lambasting which is much
like the righteous..

Thank U!