From the pen of a C R A P poet

What a poet
X and Y combined
thou art!

I knew from the very start

in the cover of darkness
sail boats like every day
some more in weight weigh
MORE Y than X today
have a chromosomatic date
all the miles away
from Ontario to the world's most corner
pathway
let words of poetry replay

X and Y
or vice versa
the world still needs younger ones
7.5 billions will soon fade away
come let's play

Come Mars and Venus
will revolve
some day
one day
if not today

and

a new race
may evolve
in between
our universe

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

Geezer

8 years 4 months ago

I think that this...

has promise. I'm not sure of the intent to this poem, so I can't really tell, but I think that you might re-work or leave out the lines that say:

have a jolly good day
the internet screams through life's way
where on Earth do you reside since yesterday

Do they have a special significance? Do you mean that you have been trying to make contact with someone and are asking where have they been? ~ Gee.
.

lovedly

8 years 4 months ago

thanks Geezer

done

Sparrow

8 years 4 months ago

Loved

I agree with Gee but the bones are good just that a little rearrangement would be great and bring in a strong reason for the write,
Take care young Bard, Yours, Ian..

lovedly

8 years 4 months ago

I removed the last three lines

what else
and
where do you feel
the bones are weak