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lovedly
lovedly
Mar 13, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

You sing as I swing

(Beautiful)**** words
if only
you could sing
and
I could hear

(xxxx)**** your poetry is swinging ****(a condom brand ha ha)
more than you are singing

I see gals on seesaws
in the rear parks

guys are whistling
as they are smiling
wonder if they too
are singing

You are a poet apart
singing
swinging
composing

Sadly, I am trying
I am listening
but alas,
my deafness overcomes me.

Many just see me smiling
mad guy may be
your Neopoet's
Lovedly

Don't laugh at me
smile if you please

***replace as you wish
adjective: beautiful
pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.
"beautiful poetry" this appears fair though!!!!
synonyms: attractive, pretty, handsome, good-looking, nice-looking, pleasing, alluring, prepossessing, as pretty as a picture; lovely, charming, delightful, appealing, engaging, winsome;
ravishing, gorgeous, heavenly, stunning, arresting, glamorous, irresistible, bewitching, beguiling;
graceful, elegant, exquisite, aesthetic, artistic, decorative, magnificent;
bonny;
informal hot, tasty, smashing, divine, knockout, drop-dead gorgeous, fanciable, beddable, easy on the eye;
informalfit;
informalcute, foxy;
informalbeaut, spunky;
formalbeauteous;
archaiccomely, fair;
raresightly, pulchritudinous
"a beautiful young woman"
antonyms: ugly
of a very high standard; excellent.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

8 years 4 months ago

I'm sure I already critiqued this. Craft attack.

I like this, it has a frisson of solitude, not overstated. Fine work. Now the critique. Please find a better word than Beautiful. It should almost never be used in poetry, say what is beautiful or why,

WTF is (XXXX)?

lovedly

lovedly

8 years 4 months ago

WTF is (XXXX)?

hidden name
this poetry was composed
on a poet's comment
so privacy is being maintained
Jess Sir

replacing beautiful
as all and every thing is
Relative

Geezer

Geezer

8 years 4 months ago

I admire your integrity...

I was struck by the plaintiveness of this poem. It was as though you were begging forgiveness for not understanding or maybe misunderstanding what this other poet was saying. Sometimes comments and/or statements can be misconstrued. Sometimes one shoots off their mouths without thinking of the way it might be taken. I would give you the advice to say [Sadly] instead of just sad. I really like the lines that describe your state of mind. Here is the way I would use those lines I admire most in this work.:

Sadly, I am trying
I am listening
but alas,
my deafness overcomes me.

You don't have to use my version. Just think it over and do it your way.
You are getting to be a better poet all the time and will be better yet. ~ Gee.
P.S. Delete one [be].
.

lovedly

lovedly

8 years 4 months ago

good better best

everything in life is RELATIVE
good poet as you say
you must be better than the best
and
now with your sincere advice
I too admire you GEE

yes I saw the typo in (be)
being removed thanks GEE

Geezer

Geezer

8 years 4 months ago

I am glad...

that you are willing to take advice and I am flattered that you say you admire me. I only want to see you and any poet that posts here become better. If my critique helps you do that, then I am pleased beyond belief. I am not a professor or a really great poet and I will take any criticism and try to make my work better. Thank you, Lovedly. ~ Gee.
.