scribbler

Mar 23, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

COLD STORAGE

A bitter cold mid-winter night
wind howling in the eaves;
tired eyes blur this old man's sight.
Of distant youth he grieves.

The heater helps beat back the chill
yet he shivers all the same
as memories remind him, still
of freezing mornings seeking game.

Mornings so cold the frost would jack
and rise up with a squeaky sigh
in air that had gone nearly slack.
No cloud marred the cobalt sky.

Or sunsets when the wind would roar
bringing arctic blasts his way,
tumbling crows which dared to soar
at the end of a December day.

He recalls a nose gone cold
and raising his thick old coat's hood
while a new year's day grew old
in a familiar leafless wood.

So many days of chilling air
over the course of all the years.
Each recollection stored with care,
some rusty from his unshed tears.

'cause for a while he shared the cold
with friends or family now long gone.
The final price of growing old
and awaiting yet another dawn.

So let the cold wind moan outside,
he has memories for company.
Memories with which he'll abide
until the night that he's set free.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

scribbler

8 years 3 months ago

hi Mark

I've had a taste of what it will be like when I'm no longer able to traipse the hills and hollows like I once did. Didn't like it lol. But the time comes for us all when we will be freed of the body's limitations and perhaps I'll welcome it. Appreciate the visit....................stan

Geezer

8 years 3 months ago

Only one...

little bobble that I can see. [ with friends or family now gone]. It needs another syllable to keep the excellent rhythm that you have kept throughout the rest of the poem. I suggest that it read; with friends and family [that are] gone. Truly, a poem for the sportsman that has outlived many of the friends and family that used to share the outdoors with them. I have many of those memories myself and that's all I have left, because I can't get out there any more. So thank you for the writes that get me a taste again. ~ Gee.

scribbler

8 years 3 months ago

Hiya Gee

I'll pay particular attention to that line in eventual edit.Always happy to help folks relive better times.............stan

scribbler

8 years 3 months ago

hi

Always good to see a new reader show up on one of my scribbles. And although the cold cuts especially deep now that I have a knee made of metal, winter is still my favorite time of year. Thank you for taking time to visit..........stan

Keith Logan

8 years 2 months ago

I like this very much

There is real heart expressed here. I notice in one of your replies you mentioned this is still to be edited. May I take the liberty of suggesting that it only needs the slightest trimming. As an example, the first two verses, mainly rhythm driven.
A bitter cold mid-winter night
wind howling in the eaves;
tired eyes blur old man's sight.
Of distant youth he grieves.

The heater helps beat back the chill,
he shivers all the same
as memories remind him still,
cold mornings seeking game.

scribbler

8 years 2 months ago

Hi Kieth

Thanks for dropping by and giving this some thought. I edit my stuff in fits and starts but when the fit Does hit me on this one I'll give your suggestions serious consideration. ............stan

scribbler

6 years 7 months ago

Hi April

When it comes to scansion you'd do well to learn from somebody other than me lol. But you are correct that occasionally being a bit short or long can work out OK. Welcome to Neopoet and holler if you you need anything.......stan