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Mar 25, 2017
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Your nothing, are you
You wake up, you go to work
You go home, you get ready for bed.
Is this are everyday life now?
Now, that we are done with school.
Now, that we don't have are parents.
We just go over the same routine every day.
Nothing exciting.
Imagine, that if you knew this as a child.
That this is what you became.
You're dreams.
Crushed.
This is our everyday lives.
You don't wish you were that person
That you wanted to be as a kid? Did you?
Knowing this will happen to your children
Your children's children, and so fourth.
You accept that our dreams will never become reality
But isn't this what you wanted?
For all those years of college?
No.
Your mind is killing you
You think you are nothing. But you,
You are everything.
Don't let anyone tell you different.
Isn't that what everyone tells you.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hope21pilots
8 years 7 months ago
Nothing
Please note, I am terrible at this. I really was just told to do it. And expect nothing more than a hate comment to this. I took about 10 minutes doing this and did not even review this over.
scooby
8 years 7 months ago
that is an amazing point of
that is an amazing point of view of ife to look at. I wish that you would write more and I cant wait to see some more of you work
themoonman
8 years 7 months ago
Ok,
I'm guessing this is meant as
a joke??
Post a poem, we don't bite.
Hope21pilots
8 years 7 months ago
No
No this is not a joke this is what I think my life will be as an adult (if I'm alive by then)
Geezer
8 years 7 months ago
Just wondering...
How old are you? You seem awfully down on life for a young person. Give life a chance, no one becomes anything worthwhile without having some difficulty. If you are willing to work at whatever dreams that you have, you can make them come true. The only people that have a good life are the ones that are willing to work for what they want. I think you have a good shot at becoming a good poet. Take advice, and be willing to work at it when you are handed critique, even when you don't get good reviews. Welcome to Neopoet! ~ Geezer.
.
jane210660
8 years 7 months ago
Hi from the sunny UK - well
Hi from the sunny UK - well ok, I'm lying about the sunny bit. The sky is discouragingly grey and the damp in the air is bone chilling.
But........... Hi all the same.
Looking at your name, Hope21pilots, you must have a glimmer of optimism in there, yet you're very harsh on yourself.
Your poems handle some very sensitive subjects extremely well and you have a knack of hitting the nail on the head and conveying things we have all felt or feel at times. Occasionally your grammar is a bit off - 'Your' should be 'You are' or 'You're' in the title and 'are' should be 'our' in lines 3, 4 and 5, but these are nit picky points really.
Have a bit more confidence in yourself, I for one have very much enjoyed reading your work.
Jx
weirdelf
8 years 6 months ago
Apart from the spelling and grammar already mentioned,
this is not bad, there is nothing wrong with bleak.
The one line that gets me, that makes me want to jump through the screen and throttle you, is-
"Knowing this will happen to your children"
How do you know? Will you do it? Do you intend to do it?
That is where you could have injected some humanity, dignity, poetic elegance into an otherwise self-pitying rather pointless piece.
You have word-crafting skills. Please write more. I believe, despite this poem, you have something to offer.
You're alive aren't you?
Sparrow
8 years 6 months ago
Hope
Read and enjoy the comments that have been given to you, I shall not talk of the poetic parts of this piece.
Its content tells me that you are very capable of writing good poetry.
So what next you may ask, well join one of your critics on a one to one basis, or ask for a mentor to assist you.
Here at Neopoet we have many poets that will spend some time with you.
I have been writing for 60 yeas now and maybe a little before I kept records of my writes but I still need the good poets to bring me to task on how to write.
So Please just ask, I see you have another piece on stream so I will go and check it,
Yours Ian.. (Sparrow)