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Apr 09, 2017
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Saturday
Saturday, and the disciples were hiding,
fearing for their lives.
Outside, the world had gone back to the status quo.
No healings on this Sabbath.
No blind men having their sight restored.
No lepers being cleansed.
No one using their newly functional hand for the first time.
5,000 hungry people remained
5,000 hungry people.
No weddings with miraculous wine.
And the priests, the pastors, the monks and elders
raised a toast
to the fact
that things made sense again.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
8 years 3 months ago
your poem
I enjoy the irony of your poem. It brings out the lack of moral and spiritual accountability by "organized" religions. Whereas I am on the same side of history as you, I realize the courage it takes to expose this opinion.
This poem is about the punchline. The language and images before it are simply stated, with only one adjective. (miraculous) I think the idea of a poem so stated, is valid as a poem, without using any poetic devices (rhythm, rhyme etc). I appreciate the poem, but I prefer a more flowery language, or as my college mentor told me 50 years ago, "charged words". Here we have a charged idea. If this is your style and goal, then I also accept it on face value.
The only change for me- 5,000 could be 50,000, 500,000, even 500 million hungry people on this sick planet.
Eumolpus
8 years 3 months ago
your poem
I enjoy the irony of your poem. It brings out the lack of moral and spiritual accountability by "organized" religions. Whereas I am on the same side of history as you, I realize the courage it takes to expose this opinion.
This poem is about the punchline. The language and images before it are simply stated, with only one adjective. (miraculous) I think the idea of a poem so stated, is valid as a poem, without using any poetic devices (rhythm, rhyme etc). I appreciate the poem, but I prefer a more flowery language, or as my college mentor told me 50 years ago, "charged words". Here we have a charged idea. If this is your style and goal, then I also accept it on face value.
The only change for me- 5,000 could be 50,000, 500,000, even 500 million hungry people on this sick planet.
Geezer
8 years 3 months ago
No need for...
"charged words". This poem says it all. I love the ending. Hell, I loved the whole thing! It is very hard for those of us who were raised to believe in a god, to rid ourselves of the notion of a benevolent, all seeing, all purpose, all powerful god! I mean; we are only animals, sophisticated animals but animals. And that is how you train an animal, from their infancy! More and more people are neglecting to train their children in the ways of a church or religious manner and in some cases no manner at all! I was taught that even though we didn't practice a religion, we should still believe in that deity and hope that just being a good person would insure that we went to Heaven! ~ Gee.
.
Keith Logan
8 years 3 months ago
I am very happy
that my religion does not hold out a heavenly hope for me. The bible tells us that the Earth was made for man, it's what I am used to and all I could ever wish for, to live forever on a restored paradise Earth